"And we'd like to thank our junior ushers for doing 

such a wonderful job, look at 'em ... Pastor Skillz's 

last sermon with us today. But it's not a sad time 

it's a wonderful and joyous occassion. Pastor 

Skillz's last sermon ... Pastor Skillz." 



Before our presentation 

I'd like to thank the members of the congregation 

For being patient 

This morning I got a lil' somethin' to say 

How many of y'all woke up and didn't even feel like comin' down here? 

Well, Brother James, it's a shame 

I know you're sitting there, and all you're worried about is your football game 

Well, me and the Lord, we worry about some things 

Like you in the parking lot, smoking on your rock cocaine 

(Say what?) Man, everybody know it 

And if your mom can't read the announcements faster 

I'ma hafta let her go 

And Sister Alice, you late 

'Cause don't think I don't see you stealin' out my collection plate 

Y'all don't hear me ... 'cause if you did, you'd pray I told you 

'Cause if you do it in the dark, it's gonna come to the day 

And Brother Todd, I know that times is hard 

Ask the church for help, you ain't gotta steal money from your job 

You can't cheat, 'cause the man up above 

ain't no sense stealing if ya' gonna blow it at strip clubs 

An' Sister Keisha, don't look in his direction 

He wouldn't be at your strip club if his wife gave him some affection 

The choir need to sing a song for y'all 

This morning I need to know what is wrong with y'all 

Satan's swinging his swords again 

Sister Kim keyed up the door to my Benz 

Now the teacher said I got to reach you 

Somebody said "Pastor, teach" so I'm preach 

That's what I came to do 

And Lord knows, Sister Williams, we all need to pray for you 

You can't do this, I knew you was ghetto 

If backsliding was a sport, you'd have a gold medal 

The dinners you sold last week was cold 

And the fish you fried was two weeks old 

I know you did it, so go on and admit it 

Half the choir ain't here, 'cause they home sick 

Y'all my people, but I know ya' well 

We in some troubling times, it ain't hard to tell 

But some a' y'all are goin' to hell 

If you keep leaving Bible study to watch Dave Chappelle 

Lord knows I love ya' brothers deep 

But don't sit in the pew if you been smokin' weed 

I know you're saying "Pastor, " 

But Lord, I'ma tell it like it GI is 

And Sister Gladys, ya' need to repent 

'Cause when I call your house, I hear 50 Cent 

This house is in a mess 

We got some problems in here that we need to address 

And the ushers I shouldn't have to mention 

You so busy dancing to Usher to pay attention 

And Brother Wayne, you can't take the sound 

You bootleggin' services and sellin' 'em downtown 

What am I gonna do? 

I can lead you to the door, I can't take you through 

Now bear with me, it's almost over 

I gotta speak on it, y'all, and get the dirt off my shoulder 

I'm a city [?], so you gotta get it clear 

Deacon Smith's been having affair for twenty-two years 

Some a' y'all is doin' wrong 

But I'm gonna go on, I told ya' I wasn't gonna hold ya' long 

Now I ain't got much more to say 

Me and Tony goin' to Shaunie's, we gonna miss the buffet