Where can you, if you're a man
Take a girl, if she's a girl
That you can't, can't ever take
Home for a little drink?

Like other guys who live alone can do
That is the reason why
Most married men are true
Aside from hotels

Where can you, on Tuesday night
Take a girl who's out of sight
That you can't, can't ever take
Home for a little fun?

Chase her around the room until you win
That is the reason why
Most single men stay thin
Aside from motels

Where can you, if you're alone
Take a girl who's on her own
That you can't, can't ever take
Home on your one night out?

One night to be a man and not a mouse
Most married men play cards
Most single men play house
We'd like to play house too

All we need is one place
A small apartment, a truck or trailer, old or new
Oh, there must be some place
A baby carriage, a kiddie car will do, we aren't proud

Where can you take a girl that you just can't take home?

Where can you, if you are free
Take a girl you'd like to see
That you can't, can't ever take
Home on a weekday night?

Put on some records and then go berserk
Most single men we know
Work hardest after work
Aside from robots

Where can you, a man that's true
Take a girl who gets to you
That you can't, can't ever take
Home for a little whirl?

Dance her around so fast, she starts to shout
Most married men play cards
Most single men make out
We'd like to make out too

All we need is one place
For 60 minutes or 40 minutes, more or less
Oh, there must be some place
In 20 minutes, we'll find happiness, we can be fast

In fact we always are, aside from rooftops

Where can you, if you are free
Take a girl you'd like to see
That you can't, can't ever take home?
What's there left to do, but to go home to our wives?