Never thought that I could feel such a slap in the face

Since my semester in New York where I drank it away

Social strategies are taught to Bohemian crowds

And my love was like a food stamp handing it out

Oh, though I fell in love with you, all fey and grizzled and mature,

You left me naked, pining, whining on your bathroom floor

If it makes you jealous, tell us just which boy we should adore

Only talk about myself so I don't mind that he's a bore



He's like a less cute version of you but he'll have to do

He's like a Wal-Mart version of you but he'll have to do

He'll have to do



Mountain man! Brag about your band to me!

You got me hot with all those snide remarks about my poetry

But he gobbles up every single line about the stars

And how they scar my slightly chubby arms like brightly light cigars



So now, he's next to me

But I can feel you in my heart

You're everything

You're everything he'll never be

It's misery, and, more specifically,

I miss that day you spit on me.



He's like a less cute version of you but he'll have to do

He's like a Wal-Mart version of you but he'll have to do

He'll have to do

He's like a less cute version of you but he'll have to do

He's like a Wal-Mart version of you but he'll have to do

He'll have to do



He's got no inkling of your status or mind

He's just the glue that I splatter to bind

You and I are like Siamese twins,

So let this sick sad game begin



Now, you're here again and he will wonder where I've been

I'm giving in but, in my own opinion, it's how to be

Though I can hear him singing:

"All this envy's killing me. It's killing me."



He's like a less cute version of you but he'll have to do

He's like a Wal-Mart version of you but he'll have to do

He'll have to do

He's like a less cute version of you but he'll have to do

(And every time I see your face I die inside.)

He's like a Wal-Mart version of you but he'll have to do

(And every time I see your face I die inside.)

He'll have to do