if you play your cards wrong

you can take me home tonight

you've got all the makings

of my future ex-wife

i've got 3 bucks 

my credit sucks

and my future don't look to bright

if you play your cards wrong

you can take me home tonight



some call me a loser

and a lazy no good slob

i've lost my house 

i've got no car

i cant keep a job

but i've got a big heart

and another part

take me home, you'll understand

because my genitalia looks like a pringles can



if you play your cards wrong

you can take me home tonight

when i pull my pants down

hey you won't believe i'm white

it's been said that i'm Mr. Ed

but don't worry, I won't bite

if you play your cards wrong

you can take me home tonight



some call me dishonest

and they say i'm just lyin'

but i peed next to ol' John Holmes and

he started cryin'

on a sunny day i've got it made

get under my wiener if you need shade

if you play your cards wrong

you can take me home tonight