He was a tall, moody man
And a billionaire orphan
He looked a bit like George Clooney
His partner was young
With excessive endorphins
And certifiably loony

They had awesome abs and triceps
And their hair smelled great
They said it's platonic
They said they were straight

They had one thing in common:
They looked good in tights
They wore Lycra and latex
On those crazy Gotham nights
And it was

Life in the Bat Cave
Surely they could use some blinds
Life in the Bat Cave
Uh-huh

For today's training, Dick, I want you to practice 
sliding down the Bat Pole. Be sure to grip it with both 
hands.

Holy bat guano!
Holy bat bong!
Alyssa Milano!
Is not in this song

They had all the right gadgets
And their crib was unreal
With the Alfredest butler
And the battest mobile

They had bats in the belfry
Bat-poop insane
Was the whole city clueless?
Dude was clearly Bruce Wayne

Out every evening
Finding hotties to save
So who pimped the grotto?
Extreme Makeover Cave Edition?

Call me on the Fruit Bat Line
Life in the Bat Cave
Uh-huh

Life in the Bat Cave
Wear a cape all the time
Life in the Bat Cave
Uh-huh

Holy soiled synthetics, Batman! Can I borrow a Bat 
Wipe?

Jokers and Riddlers!
And Penguins and worse!
Meant less time for drag racing
With the Ghostbusters' hearse

Bruce said, Listen Robin
Why are crooks all costumed freaks?
All our wacky nemesis-es
Must have been drama geeks

Dick said, Call the doctor!
Last week when I got smashed
I must've messed with Poison Ivy
'Cause now I've got this rash

They were the gothest goths in Gotham
Livin' out the bat dream
Though people yelled out, You BAT!
For the other team
And it was

Life in the Bat Cave
Ain't that Christian Bale just fine?
Life in the Bat Cave
Uh-huh

Life in the Bat Cave
Kickin' bats - takin' names
Life in the Bat Cave
Uh-huh

Sorry I missed your BAT mitzvah.
I was in BATon Rouge.
With an acroBAT.
On sabBATical.
Playing Mortal KomBAT.
...Hey, look, it's Casey at the BAT.