I'm the man you thought I'd never be
The boy who you reduced to tears
Lad called 'thingy' for six whole years.

Yes, that's right, my name's Bob
The one who landed the pop star's job
The one you told, look don't touch
The kid who wouldn't amount to much.

Well, I'm here and you're still there
With a fake sports car and receding hair.
Dodgy Farah trousers that you think are smart
Married to the woman who teaches art.

Married to the life, married to the school
I wanna sing and dance Sir; now who's the fool?
Sing and dance, you thought I was barmy
Settle down thingy, join the army.

And who are you to tell me this?
The dream I want I'll have to miss
Sir is God, he's been given the right
To structure lives overnight.

Now I know life's true path
Tanks and guns that'll be a laugh
No, not me I'm a mega civilian
I won't lead my life riding pillion.

But thanks for the advice and I'm sure it'll do
For the negative dickheads just like you.
As for now I've a different weapon
Stage and sceen is about to beckon.

And here I sit in first class
Bollocks Sir, kiss my arse..