Everybody knew it was bound to be a hoot
What can you do when nothing else is cooking?
You make your own amusement, bring a pile of loot

(Chorus)
There was Alice, the butcher, ?tidy and gone?
We couldn't see where they were heading
With sixteen days and sixteen nights
And it weren't even nobody's wedding

"What a great reception," all the people cried
"Who stole the groom and who stole the bride?
How did the countess slide underneath the door?
Why is the wild boy chopping up the floor?"

(Chorus)

I didn't hear the sound of the tin cans rattle
I didn't hear a tear drop, I didn't hear a prattle
I didn't hear the words of the Bible being read
When it's nobody's wedding, nobody's wed

(Chorus