Bend my ear and I see double
You're everybody's idea of a waste of time
You still come around 'cause I used to listen
I run a steamship, I don't run a mission
Don't be mistaken in thinking you're a friend of mine

(Chorus)
Those hard luck stories, it's all I ever get from you
Hard luck stories, you're gonna drive me out of my mind
Those hard luck stories, it's all I ever get from you
Hard luck stories, you're gonna drive me out of my mind

Well, cops won't give you change of a penny
Everybody's got money but you haven't any
If I cared about you I'd say it was a crying shame
Your wife ran away, left you on a Sunday
She cried when she left, she was laughing on Monday
She should have known better and never gone and changed the name

(Chorus)

Why don't you grow up, why don't you settle down?
Why don't you get a job, why don't you leave town?
Even a chicken has to do what it has to do
You don't like one thing, you don't like another
You don't like anything that looks like bother
Everyone don't like something and we all don't like you

(Chorus