This is my pretend friend

Treat him with kindness

Take her wherever I go

Just so there's someone I know



He's made of plastic

So she won't talk back

He is a good friend

Because she's pretend

Pretend



This is my pretend friend

She is my witness

He's filled her head the facts of my unspeakable acts

He'll talk for hours she never sours

He is a good friend she doesn't offend



O-offend doesn't offend

This is my pretend friend

She fakes it so well

I fuck him every night and brag about it

But then it's quite true that I don't like you



You are a good friend because you are pretend

Pretend (x4)