Hear ye, hear ye
This court is now in session
His honor, Judge
Pigmeat Markham presiding

Hear ye, hear ye
The court of swing is
Just about ready to do that thing
I don't want no tears
I don't want no lies
Above all, I don't want no alibis

This judge is hip and that ain't all
He'll give you time if you're big or small
Fall in line for this court is neat
Peace, brother

Uh oh, here come the Judge
Here comes the Judge
Everybody knows
That he is the Judge

Everybody near and far
I'm going to Paris to stop this war
All those kids gotta listen to me
Because I am the judge
And you can plainly see

I want a big round table when I get there
I won't sit down to one that's square
I wanna lay down the law
To them that brought it
I'll bust some head
Because I am the judge

He is the Judge
He is the Judge
Everybody knows
That he is the Judge

Who's there (I is) I is who
I is your next door neighbor

Order, order, order
Order in this courtroom
Order in this courtroom

Judge, your honorship, hi, Sir
Did I hear you say order in the court
Yes, I said order
Well, I'll take two cans of beer, please

He is the Judge
He is the Judge
Everybody knows
That he is the Judge

I had a chat with Ho Chi Min
With cheap rice wine and chased with gin
Won't take long unless I miss my guess
I'll have you out of this doggone mess

I sent a cable to Bob and Mac
Let them know I'm coming back
Sit right down with Rock and Nick
Teach them boys some of Pigmeat's tricks

Oh, oh, judge, your Honor, Pigmeat, Sir
Don't you remember me
No, who are you, boy
Well, I'm the feller that introduced
You to your wife (to my wife)
(Yeah) life, you son of a gun, you

Come November, election time
You vote your way, I'll vote mine
Case there's a tie and
The money gets spent
Vote for Pigmeat Markham, President

I am the Judge, I am the Judge
Everybody knows I am the Judge
I am the Judge, I am the Judge
Everybody knows that he is the Judge

Now, everybody know I am the Judge