The perfect couple with arms entwined
was no position that we could find

The perfect meal they wined and dined
background music so refined
Their perfect house and household pets
mine just howled, whilst yours just slept

When they sang "Walk on with hope in your heart"
how come we were stood on the peir
When that funny looking bloke sang "Heal the world"
I don't think he really ment here
When that group sang "Time is on my side"
My battery clock just stopped
But when that bald guy sang "You sexy thing"
Both of our pants just dropped
Yes when that bald guy sang "You sexy thing"
Both of our pants just dropped

The perfect groom, the perfect bride
The photo album that glows inside

The perfect flowers on mantelpiece
His perfect suit, his perfect crease
Her perfect dress, her perfect size
Out clothes ripped up whilst flower dies

When that 60's group sang "Keep on running"
when we were just about to wed
And when that fella said "Take a walk on the wild side"
we were picniking at Beachy Head
When that band released "Fool on the hill"
do you think they ment me or ment you
When the band sang "Didn't I blow your mind"
we must have sucked as hard as we blew
But when the King sang "Always on my mind"
It was mine that was always on you

We were skiing in the alps, the avalanche had started
the volcano had started to spew
When that Christian bloke and his backing band
sang "Move it", but not you two

When you took me to eat at the local steak house
and the band played "Born to be wild"
And the woman sang "Running up that hill"
when I was heavy with child

The pirates tied our hands behind our backs
the sea didn't make a sound
when halfway down the plank that rap band
started singing "Jump around"
Jump around, jump around
jump around, jump around