Well, it's been so long since we first met
And the honeymoon is over, I'd like to forget
The night we met you lied to me
You said that you were nineteen when you were twenty-three

Well, it's cold outside but colder in here
Every year I want to leave you, I get the yuletide fear
Well, there's snow on the street, a star on the tree
We may be happily married but you're killing me, oh

So Merry Christmas, babe, I think I hate you
A little bit more than last year

This year, my present to you
I'm getting sick of Christmas, I'm already sick of you
This year, my present to you
I'm leaving you, I'm leaving you, I'm leaving you
You hoe, hoe, hoe

Your mother never liked me
And you've got an Oedipus complex
Well, your father's so self-righteous
And he thinks he's Malcolm X, oh

So Merry Christmas, babe, I think I hate you
A little bit more than last year

This year, my present to you
I'm getting sick of Christmas, I'm already sick of you
This year, my present to you
I'm leaving you, I'm leaving you, I'm leaving you
You hoe, hoe, hoe

(whistling)

I hate your smile
I hate your folks
I hate our kids 
I hate your jokes
I hate your kiss
I hate your spell
I hate your music taste as well

"Darling, cool is not music"

I hate how middle class we are
I hate your silver executive car
I hate your job
You're such a knob!

"Darling, it's your turn to walk the dog."
"Where's the dog?"

This year, my present to you
I'm getting sick of Christmas, I'm already sick of you
This year, my present to you
I'm leaving you, I'm leaving you, I'm leaving you
You hoe, hoe, hoe

This year, my present to you
I'm getting sick of Christmas, I'm already sick of you
This year, my present to you
Get out of my life, get out of my life, get out of my life

"I ain't no hoe, motherfucker"
You hoe, hoe, hoe