This song is about a problem that I have...

Frequently



There are three, three, three kinds of erections

Some are sexual

Some occur during periods of nervous tension



But there's a mysterious third kind

That no one really understands

It happens when your shlong decides

To take matters into its own hands



No reason boner

No reason boner

It baffles scientists

No reason boner



This morning I was having breakfast

At the Midtown diner

The bagel was delicious

And the coleslaw couldn't be finer



I got a weird look from the waitress

When I asked her for the check

I looked down and realized

I was one hundred percent erect



No reason boner

No reason boner

I like coleslaw but not that much

No reason boner



Mailman: Hi! Welcome to the post office.

Danny: Thanks! I just need to mail this package.

Mailman: No problem, just place it on the scale.

Danny: Sure thing!

Oh! Oh god! I... I can't right now!

Mailman: Why not?

Danny: I... I have to go. I have a, uh... doctor's appointment at the dentist's!



Now things are a little awkward

Between my mailman and I

That was not my best lie

I was just covering up for my



No reason boner

No reason boner

That was the wrong kind of package to mail

No reason boner



Zookeeper: Hi! Welcome to the zoo!

Danny: Great! I love the zoo! Look at all those monkeys!

Zookeeper: Actually, those technically aren't monkeys, they're macaques.

Danny: Wow! Macaque's really hairy.



Danny: Uh... So, what time does the zoo close?

Zookeeper: About eight o'clock.

Danny: Great! That gives me a chance t- Oh god.

Oh, not... not now! Not in front of the children!

Why have you forsaken me lord!?



This is no laughing matter

This is not some kind of game

I can tuck away my Johnson

But I can never tuck away the shame



It can happen anytime

It can happen anywhere

When the Loch Ness Monster

Decides he wants to randomly come up for air



No reason boner, oh

No reason boner

You're ruining my life

No reason boner



No reason boner 

No reason boner

Why....?



Boner