When Steve Wright's on the radio
I'm happy as can be
'Cause that's when I have loads of grub
Hey, I'll eat anything me.

I'll have mashed potato, steak and kidney pie with mushy peas
Bacon, sausage, onion bhaji, aye, spaghetti bolognese
Egg and ham, Spam, cabbage, egg, burger, chips and beans
Taramasalata, fried tomato
And that's before me tea!

Which is chicken curry, biryani, loads of fried rice
Beef and turnip, gravy, yorkshire pudding, lovely, very nice
Toasted bread with cheese and pickle, peanut butter by the score
I suppose I'll have to run up to the shops to get some more!

Semolina, pasta shells, mince and dumplings on the top
Aye, corned beef hash, lots of mash, bottle of fizzy pop
Then there's beefy stew, carrots too, potatoes, lemon and lime
When I listen to me radio
I have a canny time

Sing-a-song o' sixpence
I love me stir-fry
Four and twenty savaloys
Beef and onion pie
When the pie was open
I stuffed it in me face
Wasn't that a canny dish?
Why aye, it's really ace!

Hey man, it's amazing just how much I love me scran
I bet you I can eat more scran than Kevin Keegan can!

I have ravioli, macaroni, cauliflower cheese
With salami, lettuce, broad beans, double helping please
Then there's jam roly-poly, with some custard on it too
Hey I love to have a munch for me lunch, aye I do!

I'll have mashed potato, steak and kidney pie with mushy peas
Bacon, sausage, onion bhaji, aye, spaghetti bolognese
Egg and ham, spam, cabbage, egg, burger, chips and beans
Taramasalata, fried tomato,
And that's before me tea!

Which is veggie pasty, chicken sarnie, loads of broccoli
Put some ketchup on me sprouts, mushroom, parsnip, celery
Give uz toad-in-the-hole, give uz loads of ice cream
'Cause I'm Mr. Food
And I'm always starving, me!

[Spoken]
Hey great! Me supper's ready. Ain't half peckish, like.
Where's me coffee gone. Ah, there it is.
Hey, when I go on me holidays, there'll be stacks of grub you kna'!
Frankfurters...
Apple strudel...
Schnitzel...
Frogs' legs... [fades]