holy music]


BABY BRIAN COHEN: [crying]

WISE MAN #1: Ahem.

MANDY COHEN: Ohhh! [whump] Who are you?

WISE MAN #1: We are three wise men.

MANDY: What?!

WISE MAN #1: We are three wise men.

MANDY: Well, what are you doing creeping around a cow
shed at two o'clock in the morning? That doesn't sound
very wise to me.

WISE MAN #3: We are astrologers.

WISE MAN #1: We have come from the East.

MANDY: Is this some kind of joke?

WISE MAN #2: We wish to praise the infant.

WISE MAN #1: We must pay homage to him.

MANDY: Homage? You're all drunk. It's disgusting. Out!
The lot, out!

WISE MAN #1: No--

MANDY: Bursting in here with tales about oriental
fortune tellers. Come on. Out!

WISE MAN #2: No, no. We must see him.

MANDY: Go and praise someone else's brat! Go on!

WISE MAN #2: We--

WISE MAN #1: We were led by a star.

MANDY: Or led by a bottle, more like. Go on. Out!

WISE MAN #1: Well-- well, we must see him. We have
brought presents.

MANDY: Out!

WISE MAN #2: Gold. Frankincense. Myrrh.

MANDY: Well, why didn't you say? He's over there. ---
Sorry the place is a bit of a mess. Well, what is
myrrh, anyway?

WISE MAN #3: It is a valuable balm.

MANDY: A balm? What are you giving him a balm for? It
might bite him.

WISE MAN #3: What?

MANDY: That's a dangerous animal. Quick! Throw it in
the trough.

WISE MAN #1: No, it isn't.

MANDY: Yes, it is. It's great, big mmm...

WISE MAN #3: No, no, no. It is an ointment.

MANDY: Aww, there is an animal called a balm,... or did
I dream it? So, you're astrologers, are you? Well, what
is he then?

WISE MAN #2: Hmm?

MANDY: What star sign is he?

WISE MAN #2: Uh, Capricorn.

MANDY: Uhh, Capricorn, eh? What are they like?

WISE MAN #2: Ooh, but... he is the son of God, our
Messiah.

WISE MAN #1: King of the Jews.

MANDY: And that's Capricorn, is it?

WISE MAN #2: Uh, no, no, no. That's just him.

MANDY: Ohh, I was going to say, 'Otherwise, there'd be
a lot of them.' [sniff]

WISE MAN #1: By what name are you calling him?

MANDY: Uh, 'Brian'.

WISE MEN: We worship you, O Brian, who are Lord over us
all. Praise unto you, Brian, and to the Lord, our
Father. Amen.

MANDY: Do you do a lot of this, then?

WISE MAN #2: What?

MANDY: This praising.

WISE MAN #2: No, no. No, no.

MANDY: Er, well, um, if you're dropping by again, do
pop in. Heh. And thanks a lot for the gold and
frankincense, er, but don't worry too much about the
myrrh next time. All right? Heh. Thank you. Good-bye.
Well, weren't they nice? Hmm. Out of their bloody
minds, but still.