Thenardier:



Welcome, Monsieur, sit yourself down

And meet the best innkeeper in town

As for the rest, all of 'em crooks:

Rooking their guests and cooking the books

Seldom do you see 

Honest men like me

A gent of good intent

Who's content to be



Master of the house, doling out the charm

Ready with a handshake and an open palm

Tells a saucy tale, makes a little stir

Customers appreciate a bon-viveur

Glad to do a friend a favor

Doesn't cost me to be nice

But nothing gets you nothing

Everything has got a little price



Master of the house, keeper of the zoo

Ready to relieve 'em of a sou or two

Water in the wine, making up the weight

Pickin' up their knick-knacks when they can't see straight

Everybody loves a landlord

Everybody's bosom friend

I do whatever pleases

Jesus! Won't I bleed 'em in the end!



Thenardier & Drinkers:



Master of the house, quick to catch yer eye

Never wants a passerby to pass him by

Servant to the poor, butler to the great

Comforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate

Everybody's boon companion

Everybody's chaperone



Thenardier:



But lock up your valises

Jesus! Won't I skin you to the bone!



Enter Monsieur, lay down your load

Unlace your boots and rest from the road

This weighs a ton, travel's a curse

But here we strive to lighten on your purse

Here the goose is cooked

Here the fat is fried

But nothing's overlooked

Till I'm satisfied



Food beyond compare. Food beyond belief

Mix it in a mincer and pretend it's beef

Kidney of a horse, liver of a cat

Filling up the sausages with this and that

Residents are more than welcome

Bridal suite is occupied

Reasonable charges

Plus some little extras on the side



Charge 'em for the lice, extra for the mice

Two percent for looking in the mirror twice

Here a little slice, there a little cut

Three percent for sleeping with the window shut

When it comes to fixing prices

There are a lot of tricks he knows

How it all increases, all them bits and pieces

Jesus! It's amazing how it grows!



Thenardier & Chorus:



Master of the house, quick to catch yer eye

Never wants a passerby to pass him by

Servant to the poor, butler to the great

Comforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate!

Everybody's boon companion

Gives 'em everything he's got



Thenardier:



Dirty bunch of geezers

Jesus! What a sorry little lot!



Mme. Thenardier:



I used to dream that I would meet a prince

But God Almighty, have you seen what's happened since?



Master of the house, isn't worth my spit

Comforter, philosopher and lifelong shit!

Cunning little brain, regular Voltaire

Thinks he's quite a lover but there's not much there!



What a cruel trick of nature landed me with such a louse

God knows how I've lasted living with this bastard in the house!



Thenardier & Drinkers:



Master of the house!



Mme. Thenardier:



Master of an arse!



Thenardier & Drinkers:



Comforter, philosopher



Mme. Thenardier:



Don't make me laugh!



Thenardier & Drinkers:



Servant to the poor, butler to the great



Mme. Thenardier:



Hypocrite and toady and inebriate!



Thenardier & Drinkers:



Everybody bless the landlord!

Everybody bless his spouse!



Thenardier:



Everybody raise a glass



Mme. Thenardier:



Raise it up the master's arse



All:



Everybody raise a glass to the Master of the House!