We love you, Conrad, oh, yes, we do.
We love you, Conrad and we'll be true.
When you're not near us we're blue.
Oh, Conrad, we love you.
 
[Verse 2]
We hate you, Conrad, oh, yes, we do.
We don't hate anyone as much as you.
Your singing makes us say PU.
Oh, Conrad, we hate you.
 
[Verse 3]
We love you, Conrad, oh, yes, we do.
We don't hate anyone as much as you.
When you're not near us we're blue.
Oh, Conrad, oh, Conrad, we hate/love you.