From: celemon@email.unc.edu (Angela Reid)

**SCIENCE FICTION/DOUBLE FEATURE**
Michael Rennie was ill
the day the earth stood still
but he told us where we stand
And Flash Gordon was there
in silver underwear
Claude Rains was the invisible man
Then something went wrong
For Fay Wray and King Kong
They got caught in a celluloid jam
Then at a deadly pace
It came from outer space
And this is how the message ran:
CHORUS
Science Fiction--double feature
Dr. X will build a creature
See Androids fighting Brad and Janet
Anne Francis stars in _Forbidden Planet_
Oh--at the late night, double-feature
Picture show.

I knew Leo G. Carroll
Was over a barrel
when tarantula took to the hills
And I really got hot
When I saw Jeanette Scott
fight a Triffid that spits poison and kills
Dana Andrews said prunes
gave him the runes
and passing them used lots of skills
And when worlds collide
said George Pal to his bride
I'm going to give you some terrible thrills
Like a:
	chorus

By RKO oh ho ho.
To the late night, double feature
picture show
In the back row.
To the late night, double feature
Picture show.



**DAMMIT, JANET**
BRAD:  Hey, Janet.  I've got something to say.
I really loved the--skillful way
You beat the other girls to the bride's bouquet.
The river was deep but I swam it		(RIFF & MAGENTA THROUT) Janet
The future is ours so let's plan it		Janet
So please don't tell me to can it.		Janet
I've one thing to say and that's
Dammit, Janet, I love you.
Here's a ring to prove that I'm no joker
There's three ways that love can grow.
That's good bad or mediocre.
Oh--J A N E T, I love you so.

JANET:  Oh!  It's nicer than Betty Munroe Had	(MAG. & COL. THROUT) Oh Brad
Now we're engaged and I'm so glad		Oh Brad
That you've met Mom and you know Dad	Oh Brad
I've one thing to say and that's
Brad, I'm mad for you too.

BRAD:	Dammit
JANET:	I'm mad. . . .
BRAD:	Oh, Janet
JANET:	For you.
BRAD:	I love you tooo-oo
BRAD & JANET:  There's one thing left to do

BRAD:  And that's go see the man who began it	Janet
When we met in his science exam--it		Janet
Made me give you the eye and then panic	Janet
I've one thing to say and that's
Dammit, Janet, I love you.
Dammit, Janet

JANET:	Oh Brad, I'm mad.
BRAD:	Dammit, Janet
BOTH:	I love you.



**OVER AT THE FRANKENSTEIN PLACE**
JANET:  In the velvet darkness
Of the blackest night
Burning bright--there's a guiding star
No matter what or who you are.

CHORUS:
BRAD & JANET:  There's a light
VOICES:  Over at the Frankenstein place.
BRAD:  There's a light
VOICES:   Burning in the fireplace.
JANET:  There's a light, a light in the darkness
of everybody's life.

RIFF:  Darkness must go
Down the river of night's dreaming
Flow morphia slow let the sun and light
Come streaming into my life
Into my life.

CHORUS



**TIME WARP**
RIFF:  It's astounding.  Time is fleeting.
Madness takes its toll.
But listen closely
MAGENTA:  Not for very much longer.
RIFF:  I've got to keep control.
I remember doing the Time Warp
Drinking those moments when
the blackness would hit me
And the void would be calling
GUEST:  Let's do the Time Warp again.

CHORUS:  It's just a jump to the left.
And then a step to the right.
With your hands on your hips.
You bring your knees in tight.
But it's the pelvic thrust
That really drives you insane.
Let's do the Time Warp again.
Let's do the Time Warp again.

MAGENTA:  It's so dreamy--Oh, Fantasy free me
So you can't see me--no, not at all
In another dimension--with
voyeuristic intention.
Well secluded I see all.
RIFF:  With a bit of a mind flip
MAGENTA:  You're in for a time slip
RIFF:  And nothing can ever be the same
MAGENTA:  You're spaced out on sensation
RIFF:  Like you're under sedation
GUESTS:  Let's do the Time Warp again.
Let's do the Time Warp again.

COLUMBIA:   Well, I was walking down the street
Just having a think
when a snake of a guy
Gave me an evil wink
Well it shook me up, it took me by surprise
He had a pick-up truck and the devil's eyes
He stared at me and I felt a change
Time meant nothing--never would again.

GUESTS:  Let's do the Time Warp again.
Let's do the Time Warp again.

CHORUS



**SWEET TRANSVESTITE**
FRANK:  How d' you do
I see you've met my faithful handyman
He's a little brought down
Because when you knocked
He thought you were the candyman
Don't get strung out by the way I look.
Don't judge a book by its cover
I'm not much of a man
By the light of day
but by night I'm one hell of a lover
I'm just a sweet transvestite
From Transexual
Transylvania.
Let me show you around, maybe play you a sound
You look like you're both pretty groovy
Or if you want something visual that's not too abysmal
We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie

BRAD:  I'm glad we caught you at home.
Could we use your phone?
We're both in a bit of a hurry.
JANET:  Right!
BRAD:  We'll just say where we are,
then go back to the car.
We don't want to be any worry.

FRANK:  Well you got caught with a flat.
Well, how about that.
Well babies, don't you panic.
By the light of the night
it'll all seem alright,
I'll get you a satanic mechanic.
I'm just a sweet transvestite
from Transexual Transylvania.
Ha ha.
Why don'tcha stay for the night?
RIFF:  Night.
FRANK:  Or maybe a bite.
COLUMBIA:  Bite.
FRANK:  I could show you my favorite obsession
I've been making a man with blonde hair and a tan
And he's good for relieving my tension
I'm just a sweet tranvestite
from Transexual Transylvania.
I'm just a sweet transvestite
from Transexual Transylvania.
So come up to the lab
and see what's on the slab
I see you shiver with antici. . . pation
But maybe the rain
isn't really to blame
so I'll remove the cause--
but not the symptom.



**SWORD OF DAMOCLES**
ROCKY:  The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head
And I've got the feeling someone's
going to be cutting the thread
Oh, woe is me--my life is a misery
Oh can't you see that I'm at the start
of a pretty big downer.
I woke up this morning with a start when
I fell out of bed.

GUESTS:  That ain't no crime.

ROCKY:  And left from my dreaming was a feeling
Of unnamable dread.
GUESTS:  That ain't no crime.
ROCKY:  My high is low--I'm dressed up with no place
to go.  And all I know is I'm at the start of a pretty big downer.
GUESTS:  Sha la la la that ain't no crime

ROCKY:  The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head   (That ain't no crime)
And I've got the feeling someone's
going to be cutting the thread	(That ain't no crime)
Oh, woe is me--my life is a mystery
Oh can't you see that I'm at the start
of a pretty big downer.
GUESTS:  Sha la la la that ain't no crime



**CHARLES ATLAS SONG**
FRANK:  A weakling weighing ninety-eight pounds
Will get sand in his face when kicked to the ground
And soon in the gym
with a determined chin
The sweat from his pores
As he works for his cause
Will make him glisten and gleam
And with massage and just a little bit of steam
He'll be pink and quite clean
He'll be a strong man
Oh, honey--
GUESTS:  But the wrong man.
FRANK:  He'll eat nutritious, high protein
And swallow raw eggs
Try to build up his shoulders
His chest, arms and legs
Such an effort
If he only knew of my plan.
In just seven days
GUESTS, FRANK, RIFF, COLUMBIA, MAGENTA:  I can make you a man.
FRANK:  He'll do press-ups and chin-ups
Do the snatch, clean and jerk.
He thinks dynamic tension must be hard work.
Such strenuous living I just don't understand.
When in just seven days--oh baby
I can make you a man.



**WHATEVER HAPPENED TO SATURDAY NIGHT**
EDDIE:  Whatever happened to Saturday night
When you dressed up sharp and
you felt all right.
It don't seem the same since cosmic light
came into my life and I thought
I was divine.
I used to for a ride with a chick who'd go
And listen to the music on the radio
A saxaphone was blowing on a
rock and roll show
And we climbed in the back seat
And we really had a good time

CHORUS (ALL):  Hot patootie bless my soul
I really love that rock and roll

EDDIE:  My head used to swim
From the perfume I smelled.
My hands kind of fumbled with
her white plastic belt.
I'd taste her baby pink lipstick and
that's when I'd melt.
And she whispered in my ear
tonight she really was mine.
Get back in front and put some hair oil on
Buddy Holly was singing his
very last song
with your arm around your girl
you tried to sing along;
it felt pretty good, whoo--really had a good time

CHORUS



**CHARLES ATLAS SONG REPRISE**
FRANK:  But a deltoid and a bicep
A hot groin a tricep
Makes me--oooh--shake.
Make me want to take
Charles Atlas by the hand.
ALL:  In just seven days--oh baby
I can make you a man.

FRANK:  I don't want no dissension
Just dynamic tension
JANET:  I'm a muscle fan.
ALL:  In just seven days
I can make you a man.
FRANK:  Dig it if you can.
ALL:  In just seven days
I can make you a man.



**TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH ME**
JANET:  I was feeling done in
Couldn't win
I'd only ever kissed before.
COLUMBIA:  You mean she--
MAGENTA:  Uh huh.
JANET:  I thought there's no use getting
into heavy petting
It only leads to trouble
And seat wetting.
Now all I want to know
is how to go
I've tasted blood and I want more.
COL & MAG:  More, more, more!
JANET:  I'll put up no resistance
I want to stay the distance
I've got an itch to scratch
I need assistance

CHORUS:
JANET:  Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me
I want to be dirty.
Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me,
creature of the night.

Then if anything grows
While you pose,
I'll oil you up and rub you down.
COL & MAG:  Down, down, down.
JANET:  And that's just one small fraction
Of the main attraction
You need a friendly hand
Oh, and I need action.
CHORUS



**EDDIE'S TEDDY**
DR. SCOTT:  From the day he was born, he was trouble.
He was the thorn in his mutter's side
She tried in vain.
NARRATOR:  But he never caused her nothing but shame.
SCOTT:  He left home the day she died.
From the day she was gone
All he wanted
was rock and roll, porn, und a motor bike
Shooting up junk.
NARR:  He was a low-down, cheap little punk.
SCOTT:  Taking everyone for a ride.

CHORUS
ALL:  When Eddie said he didn't like his teddy
You knew he was a no good kid
When he threatened your life with a
switch blade knife--
FRANK:  What a guy.
JANET:  Makes you cry.
SCOTT:  Und I did.

COLUMBIA:  Everybody shoved him
I very nearly loved him.
I said, "Hey, listen to me.
Stay sane inside insanity."
But he locked the door and threw
away the key.

SCOTT:  But he must have been drawn
Into something.
Making him warn me in
a note which reads
ALL:  What's it say?  What's it say?
EDDIE:  I'm out of my head.
Oh, hurry or I may be dead.
They mustn't carry out their evil deeds.

CHORUS



**PLANET SHMANET JANET**
FRANK:  I'll tell you once
I won't tell you twice
You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss.
Your apple pie
Don't taste too nice.
You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss.
I've laid the seed
it should be all you need
you're as sensual
as a pencil
Wound up like an 'E' or first string
When we made it
Did ya hear a bell ring?
Y' got a block
Take my advice
You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss.
The transducer
will seduce yah.
It's something you'll get used to
A mental mind-fuck can be nice.

SCOTT:  You won't find earth people quite the easy mark you imagine.
This sonic transducer--it is, I suppose, some kind of audiovibratory,
physiomolecular transport device...
BRAD:  You mean. . .
SCOTT:  Yes, Brad.  It's something we ourselves have been working on for
quite some time.  But it seems our friend here has found a way of
perfecting it.  A device which is capable of breaking down solid matter
and then projecting it through space, and--who knows--perhaps even time
itself.
JANET:  You mean he's gonna send us to another planet?

FRANK:  Planet, shmanet Janet!
You'd better wise up--Janet Weiss
You'd better wise up
Build your thighs up.
You'd better wise up

NARR:  And then she cried out--
JANET:  Stop!!

FRANK:  Don't get hot and flustered.
Use a bit of mustard.
BRAD:  You're a hot dog
But you'd better not try to hurt her
Frank Furter.
SCOTT:  You're a hot dog
But you'd better not try to hurt her
Frank Furter.
JANET:  You're a hot dog. . . .



**ROSE TINT MY WORLD**
COLUMBIA:  It was great when it all began
I was a regular Frankie fan
But it was over when he had the plan
to start working on a muscle-man
Now the only thing that gives me hope
is my love of a certain dope
Rose tints my world and keeps me
safe from my trouble and pain.

ROCKY:  I'm just seven hours old.
Truly beautiful to behold.
And somebody should be told
my libido hasn't been controlled.
Now the only thing I've come to trust
is an orgasmic rush of lust
Rose tings my world keeps me
safe from my trouble and pain.

BRAD:  It's beyond me
Help me, mommy.
I'll be good, you'll see.
Take this dream away.
What's this, let's see
I feel sexy.
What's come over me.  Whoa--
here it comes again.

JANET:   Oh I--I feel released
Bad times deceased
My confidence has increased
Reality is here
The game has been disbanded
My mind has been expanded
It's a gas that Frankie's landed
His lust is so sincere.

FRANK:  Whatever happened to Fay Wray?
That delicate satin-draped frame.
As it clung to her thigh
How I started to cry
'Cause I wanted to be dressed just the same.
Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever--
Can't you just see it--oh oh ho.
Don't dream it.  Be it.
Don't dream it.  Be it.

SCOTT:  We've got to get out of this trap
Before this decadence saps our wills.
I've got to be strong and try to hang on.
Or else my mind may well snapp
And my life will be lived for the thrill.

BRAD:  It's beyond me.
Help me, Mommy.

JANET:  God bless Lili St. Cyr.

FRANK:  My my my my my my my my
I'm a wild and an untamed thing
I'm a bee with a deadly sting
You gotta hit and your mind goes ping
Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing.
So let the party and the sounds rock on
We're gonna shake it till the life has gone
Rose tint my world
Keep me safe from my trouble and pain.



**I'M GOING HOME**
FRANK:  On the day I went away
GUEST:  Good-bye
FRANK:  Was all I had to say
GUESTS:  Now I . . . I
FRANK:  I want to come again and stay
GUESTS:  Oh my, my
FRANK:  Smile and that will mean I may
I've seen--oh--blue skies
Through the tears in my eyes
And I realize I'm going home.
GUESTS:  I'm going home.

FRANK:  Everywhere it's been the same
GUESTS:  Feeling
FRANK:  Like I'm outside in the rain.
GUESTS:  Wheeling
FRANK:  Free to try and find a game
GUESTS:  Dealing
FRANK:  Cards for sorrow, cards for pain
'Cause I've seen blue skies
through the tears in my eyes
And I realize--I'm going home.



**SUPER HEROES**
BRAD:  I've done a lot
God knows I've tried
To find the truth
I've even lied
But all I know
is down inside
ALL:  I'm bleeding.

JANET:  And superheroes
Come to feast
To taste the flesh
Not yet deceased
And all I know
Is still the beast
ALL:  is feeding.

NARRATOR:  And crawling on the planet's face
Some insects called the human race
Lost in time
And lost in space
ALL:  and meaning.



**SCIENCE FICTION (REPRISE)**
Science fiction--double feature
Frank has built and lost his creature
Darkness has conquered Brad and Janet
the servants gone to a distant planet.
At the late night double feature picture show.
I wanna go.
To the late night double-feature picture show.