(Fredcrick, Students) 

STUDENT #1: 
It's been said the your grandfather 
Brought dead tissue back to life, 
Is that true, Dr. Frankenstein? 

STUDENT #2: 
It's been said that your grandfather 
Created a horrifying monster, 
Is that true, Dr. Frankenstein? 

STUDENT #3: 
It's been said . . . 

(spoken) 
. . . nay, even sung . . . 

(sung) 
That your grandfather's monster 
Hurt and lamed, killed and maimed, 
Is that true, Dr. Frankenstein? 

STUDENTS: 
Is that true, Dr. Frankenstein? 
Is that true, Dr. Frankenstein? 
Is that true, 
Is that true, 
Is that true, 
Is that true, Dr. Frankenstein? 

FREDERICK (spoken): 
That's Fronkensteen! My name, it's pronounced 
Fronkensteen! Yes, yes, the whole world knows what my 
grandfather did. But 
please, do I look like the kind of madman who'd prowl 
around graveyards, digging up freshly buried corpses? 

STUDENT #1: 
Well, Professor . . . 

FREDERICK: 
Don't answer that! 

(sung) 
I'm not a Frankenstein, 
I don't indulge in hijinks 
Or tomfoolery! 

I'm not a Frankenstein, 
I don't believe in mummies, 
Ghosts, or Ghoulery! 

I deal in fact not fiction, 
I am a scientist, 
I live for truth and reason, 
That's the reason I exist 

(spoken) 
There is a vast difference between my crazy 
grandfather's delusional experiments and my own 
devotion to pure science. Which 
leads us directly to the subject of today's lecture. 

(sung) 
The brain! 
There is nothing like the brain 
Hearts and lungs are simply tinker toys 
When stacked against the brain! 

Insane! 
I'm insane about the brain! 
No invention in the universe 
Is equal to the brain! 

The mouth's a marvel 
When it comes to eating, 
I've nothing against the womb, 
I thank the bladder 
When I'm excreting, 
And I always give the elbow room! 

But the brain! 
Please allow me to explain, 
There's no organ can compare to it, 
I swear to it, it's plain, 
It's the brain . . . 

(spoken) 
Mr. Hilltop here, with whom I have never worked nor 
given any prior instruction to, has graciously offered 
his services for 
this afternoon's demonstration. 

(sung) 
His medulla oblongata, 
Tells his brain stem that it's gotta 

Send an impulse full of data 
Which creates a lotta pain. 

His frontal lobe gets busy 

With a thought that makes him dizzy, 
Puts his cortex in a tizzy, 
That's what I love about the brain! 

(spoken) 
Mr. Hilltop, will you raise your left knee, please. You 
have just witnessed a voluntary nerve impulse. Mr. 
Hilltop, you 
may lower your knee. Reflex movements, on the other 
hand, are those which are made independently of the 
will. Why you dirty 
rotten yellow son-of-a-bith! 

MR. HILLTOP: 
Ooooh! 

FREDERICK: 
Even though I almost kneed him 
His reflexes have no freedomm 
to react when I mistreat him, 
It's important I explain 
Synaptic nerve connection 
Goes its way without detection 
Bringing cranial protection 
In a never-endinig chain! 
That's what I love about the brain! 

(spoken) 
But what if we were to block those nerve impulses by 
simply aplying local pressure . . . . . . which can be 
done with any 
ordinary metal clamp, just at the swelling of the 
posterior nerve root . . . for say, oh, four seconds . 
. . . . . Why you 
mother-grabbing bastard! As you can see, even though I 
have just smashed my knee into his crotch, he does not 
react. He 
feels absolutely nothing. 

MR. HILLTOP: 
Mmmm . . . 

FREDERICK: 
More or less. So if it were not for this continuous 
stream of motor impulses from the brain, we would 
collapse . . . . . . 
like a bunch . . . of . . . broccoli! 

MR. HILLTOP: 
Oooooh! 

FREDERICK (sung): 
And in conclusion, 
So there's no confusion, 
Let me say it once again, 
Though your genitalia 
Has been known to fail ya, 
You can bet your ass on the brain! 

(spoken) 
Everybody! 

STUDENTS (sung): 
The brain! 
There is nothing like the brain! 
It's the king of our anaotomy 
And ever shall it reign! 

FREDERICK: 
You can call me Copernicus, 
Kepler, or Newton, 
Compare me to Freud 
I'd feel high-falutin! 

Call me a Darwin, 
I love that man's theory, 
Call me Pasteur 
And watch me get teary! 

Say Madame Curie, 
That would be the best, 
Call me a Rorschach, 
I'm up to the test! 

I really light up 
When you call me Edison 
Call me an Erlich, 
I like that man's medicine 
Call me Marconi, 
That wireless wow 

Call me Pavlov, 
And I'll bark like a chow 
Call me an Einstein 
And that would be fine 
If you called me a Tesla 
I wouldn't decline 

But to call me a Frankenstein 
Would be insane, 
Cause I love the brain! 

STUDENTS: 
His name is Fronkensteen 
The facts are plain 
There is nothing like the brain!