I'll be discreet

I won't hiss at your wife when I see her

And though I'd love to be her

She'll never know it



I'll take the pill

I won't upset the boat you're rowing

Carry on the way you're going

I won't blow it



When baseball's on

You can turn my set louder

You can rave all night

About your wife's clam chowder



I'm sure it can work out just right

Don't mind being the candle you sometimes light

Married man

Yes we can



Won't write things down

I'm not the type that keeps a diary

I know when to be fiery

Or plain placid



I won't look crushed

When you say your wife is pretty

Bright and very witty

Pass the acid



I won't cry at all

When you walk right by me

I'd say you can't lose

You'd be a fool

Come try me



She and I can cover each move

One will be on heat

While the other's subdued

Married sir

Me and her



Won't call your club

And I'll never drive through Oyster Bay, dear

I won't give you away, dear

To your Bernice, love



If you should die

I won't attend the funeral service

No need to look so nervous

Rest in peace, love



When Christmas comes

I'll choose your gifts and wrap 'em

When we make plans

I won't scream when you scrap 'em

There is nothing I wouldn't do

I'll be the perfect little mistress for you

Grant my wish

Married dish