So, there's a bit of a situation

On the Golden Gate.

Steer clear of the number 2 lane

If it's not too late.

Got carpet unspoolin'

For a mile, no foolin'.

 

Now, if you're traveling from Sonoma,

That's a nasty route.

You're seething with irritation

From the harsh commute.

That's our copter above you-hi!

God, there's so many of you.

 

Your life's in your paws

As you creep along the causeway,

If your attention

Meanders out to sea.

Try not to gawk

At the tussle on the walkway!

Mind how you swerve

While avoiding the debris!

 

We got traffic and weather,

Traffic and weather.

Like Barnum and Bailey,

They're always together.

 

I see some heavy precipitation

In the northern bay.

Might not want a plan a picnic-

It'll be headed your way.

Brackish clouds moving inland...

Soon you'll think you're in Finland.

 

Still recovering from the outages

In Walnut Creek;

We might have told you diff'rent,

But it'll rain all week,

Rain, rain, rain, rain...

 

It falls once again.

Is the winter never-ending?

Soaked to the gills,

Which we really ought to grow...

Creeks overfill;

There's a heady scent of mildew

In the canyons of San Mateo.

 

We got traffic and weather,

Traffic and weather.

Like Rand and McNally,

They're always together.

 

There'll be some tricky vehiculation out on

Highway One.

Watch out for Cal Trans

On Devil's Slide, Devil's Slide.

It's fragile and slippery and not very wide.

 

Three little words,

If you're traveling north on I-5

I can only say three little words:

"Stalled big rig."

 

Move it!

 

We've got reports of a little twister

Over Watsonville.

There's hail the size of ponies

Out in Pleasant Hill,

Hail, hail, hail, hail hail,hail....

 

We got traffic and weather,

Traffic and weather.

Like "cease" and "desist,"

You know they were made for each other.

 

Traffic and weather,

Traffic and weather.

Like movies and popcorn,

Like flotsam and jetsam,

Like models and make-up,

Like Itchy and Scratchy,

Like breaking and ent'ring,

Like protons and neutrons,

Like drummers and singers,

They're always together.

 

Boop boop boop, de doop de de (etc.)...

 

Are you ready to hear the news?