And Jackie?s seen in a Discoteque doin? a brand new dance
 And the White House social season should be glitterin? in gay

 But here in Topeka the rain is a fallin?
 The faucet is a drippin? and the kids are a bawlin?
 One of ?em a toddlin? and one is a crawlin?
 And one?s on the way

 I?m glad Raquel Welch just signed a million dollar pact
 And Debbie?s out in Vegas workin? up a brand new act
 While the t.v.?s showin? newly weds, a real fun game to play

 But here in Topeka, the screen door?s a bangin?
 The coffee?s boilin? over and the wash needs a hangin?
 One wants a cookie and one wants a changin?
 And one?s on the way

 Now what was I doin?? Jimmy get away from there
 Darn, there goes the phone

 Hello honey, what?s that you say?
 You?re bringin? a few old buddies home?
 You?re callin? from a bar?
 Get away from there! No, not you honey
 I was talkin? to the baby
 Wait a minute, honey, the door bell
 Honey, could you stop at the market and...hello?, hello?
 Well, I?ll be...

 The girls in New York City, they all march for women?s lib
 And better homes and garden shows, the modern way to live
 And the pill may change the world tomorrow, but meanwhile, today

 Here in Topeka, the flies are a buzzin?
 The dog is a barkin? and the floor needs a scrubbin?
 One needs a spankin? and one needs a huggin?
 Lord, one?s on the way

 Oh gee, I hope it ain?t twins, again