Once upon a time

on the internet, there was a guy.

A very deeply flawed man,

they called him Eric Bauman.

He was a total asshole,

and nobody knows why.



He traveled all around

on the pulse of each phenomenon,

from Something Awful, on to Fark,

with his trusty watermark,

he stole and stuck it all upon

eBaumsWorld.com



It wasn't fair

to those from whom he stole,

but did he care?

No, not one bit.

And then he had the nads

to sell some ads.

What a piece of shit!

Oh, Eric.



Eric's quite a slut.

Other people's work

has made him rich.

He hired some male prostitutes,

dressed them up in three-piece suits.

His faithful team of lawyers

made the internet his bitch...



...Till Lowtax came along,

punched him in the face

and banged his mom.

And Mr. Bauman, quite disgraced,

had his dumb website erased.

Well sadly that's a lie,

there's still an

eBaumsWorld.com



But if we all join hands

and sing this song,

then our call will reach the sky.

And maybe Zeus and Thor

will smite that whore.

I think it's worth a try.



eBaum's World is going down.

We gotta rise up from the underground

to tell Eric Bauman a thing or two

about how stealing simply isn't cool.

So right now we're making that our mission,

and if the bastard doesn't listen,

we'll get sick of being lawful

and brand his ass with Something Awful!