Is that a three-dollar bill just lying in the street?
No, there's no such thing.
Is that a rainbow shining through the storm I see?
No, there's no such thing.
Is that the face of the lord in the wood of a door?
No, there's no such thing.
Is that a toad in the stone two million years old?
No, there's no such thing.

There's no such thing.
No such thing.
The blade in the pit is dangling by a thread,
there's a buzzard in my bed plus the bone in my leg,
the dogs are barking at the voices in my head.
When will they learn,
there's no such thing?

Is that good news ringing on the party line?
No, there's no such thing.
The rapture divine from the kingdom of nigh?
No, there's no such thing.
Is it a free giveaway of a black cadillac?
No, there's no such thing.
The tooth fairy wanting all his money back?

There's no such thing.
No such thing.
Well believe it if you want it don't matter to me,
you paint the tree trunks wide on the dead oak tree,
your shaffleboards are squeaking every step of the way.
When will you learn,
there's no such thing?

Is that a bluebird singing in the canopy?
No, there's no such thing.
The last ray of hope beatin' down on me?
No, there's no such thing.
Is it an old-fashioned girl with the dark raven curl?
No, there's no such thing.
The sweet, silent song of a long-lost world?
No, there's no such thing.

There's no such thing.
No such thing.
Well the core of the earth is a heart full of hate;
I might have a soul but it ain't got a mate,
so just water my weeds, decoration day.
I guess I never learned -
well, there's no such thing.