I'm the best of the best, but my social life's a wreck
I've got a Ph.D in Cosmetology and I'm about to crack from the stress
I see fifty beauty queens on the screen and I'm really quite perplexed
'Cause I've been throwing up 24-7 and I still don't look like that
Fuck

It makes you really put it in perspective
About these things that we all hold dear
Still, I can't wait to see who wins this year
Take a look to your left, to your right
And you'll see the scars of a broken childhood
They're not gonna' make it on their own

The simple things like these are not as they were meant to be and
They leave us standing here just stupid and obscure

I said I wanna be, I wanna be Miss Antarctica
Give me a crown and have me fucking prance around
I like cruising the mall and long walks on the beach
But I'll change if you want – I could want world peace
I wanna be Miss America, sorry, 'Antarctica'

I guess it's really hard to stop bad habits
All the boozing and the one night stands
Nothing changes with a title in your hands
'Cause I'm sure the rest accomplished something
Saved the fucking world from a nuclear scare
But you're too strung out about your hair

I guess that days like these were long time coming, yes siree, well
They leave us standing here just stupid and obscure

I said I wanna be, I wanna be Miss Antarctica
Give me a crown and have me fucking prance around
I like cruising the mall and long walks on the beach
But I'll change if you want – I could want world peace
I wanna be Miss America, sorry, 'Antarctica'
(Repeats after dialogue)