As I went home on Monday night
As drunk as drunk could be
I saw a horse outside the door
Where my old horse should be
Well I called me wife and I said to her
Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that horse outside the door
Where my old horse should be

Oh you're drunk you're drunk you silly old fool
Still you cannot see
That's a lovely sow that me mother sent to me
Well it's many a day I've travelled
A hundred miles or more
But a saddle on a sow sure I never saw before

And as I went home on Tuesday night
As drunk as drunk could be
I saw a coat behind the door
Where my old coat should be
Well I called me wife and I said to her
Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that coat behind the door
Where my old coat should be

Oh you're drunk you're drunk you silly old fool
Still you cannot see
That's a wollen blanket that me mother sent to me
Well it's many a day I've travelled
A hundred miles or more
But buttons on a blanket sure I never saw before

And as I went home on Wednesday night
As drunk as drunk could be
I saw a pipe upon the chair
Where my old pipe should be
Well I called me wife and I said to her
Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that pipe upon the chair
Where my old pipe should be

Oh you're drunk you're drunk you silly old fool
Still you cannot see
That's a lovely tin whistle that me mother sent to me
Well it's many a day I've travelled
A hundred miles or more
But tobacco in a tin whistle sure I never saw before

And as I went home on Thursday night
As drunk as drunk could be
I saw two boots beneath the bed
Where my old boots should be
Well I called me wife and I said to her
Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns them boots beneath the bed
Where my old boots should be

Oh you're drunk you're drunk you silly old fool
Still you cannot see
They're two lovely geranium pots me mother sent to me
Well it's many a day I've travelled
A hundred miles or more
But laces in geranium pots I never saw before

And as I went home on Friday night
As drunk as drunk could be
I saw a head upon the bed
Where my old head should be
Well I called me wife and I said to her
Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that head upon the bed
Where me old head should be

Oh you're drunk you're drunk you silly old fool
Still you cannot see
That's a baby boy that me mother sent to me
Well it's many a day I've travelled
A hundred miles or more
But a baby boy with whiskers on sure I never saw before

As I went home on Saturday night
As drunk as drunk could be
I saw two hands upon her breasts
Where me two hands should be
Well I called my wife and I said to her
Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that hands upon your breasts
Were me two hands should be

Oh you're drunk you're drunk you silly old fool
Still you cannot see
That's a lovely night gown that me mother sent to me
Well it's many a day I travelled
A hundred miles and more
But fingers in a night gown sure I never saw before

As I went home on Sunday night
As drunk as drunk could be
I saw a thing in her thing
Where me old thing should be
Well I called my wife and I said to her
Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that thing in your thing
Where me old thing should be

Oh you're drunk you're drunk you silly old fool
Still you cannot see
That's that lovely tin whistle that me mother sent to
Me
Well it's many a day I travelled
A hundred miles and more
But a baby boy with whiskers on I never saw before!