Quite often I get the thinkin', how as kids we got buy, 
Like at Christmas time at our house, we couldn't even afford a fire,
But we made do with what we had back then when I was young,
Dad used to suck a peppermint and we'd all sit around his tongue,
We couldn't afford no fancy tinsel for our Christmas tree,
So we'd just wheel our grandad in and make the old cunt sneeze,
(Aahh aahh aahh ah pprroooh) wheel him round the other side nana,
But things change pretty bloody quick I got kids now'a me own,
And I heard 'em unwrap their pressies, last night when I got home.

Hey Santa Claus you cunt, where's me fuckin' bike?
I've unwrapped all this other junk and there's nothin' that I like,
I wrote you a bloody letter, and I come to see you twice,
You worn out geriatric fart you forgot me fuckin' bike.

Ho ho fucking ho what a croc'a shit,
We all work for Santa Claus we've had enough we quit,
'Cause we do all the fuckin' work while he stars in the show,
Stick your Christmas up your ass ho ho fucking ho.

We're Santa's fuckin' roadies, Santa's fuckin' roadies,
We got a gig at Christmas time helpin' Santa Claus,
We're Santa's fuckin' roadies, Santa's fuckin' roadies.
It's Christmas time so stock up the fridge and lock up your dope and 
daughters.

A party ain't a party 'til the rellies have arrived and it ain't even 
Christmas,
'Til you kissed your nana on the gummy ol' mouth and you pulled 
your grandad's finger. (Oohhh)

Next time I come to see you I'm gonna punch you in the guts,
And I'll let your fuckin' reindeer loose kick Rudolph in the nuts,
You just wait 'til next year when you get back to that store,
And me and me little sister, come stompin' through the door and we'll 
say,
"Hey moms and dads just smell his breath and check his bloodshot 
eyes,
And don't listen to him boys and girls 'cause he tells fuckin' lies,
He's just a piss tank and a pervert, and he's not even very bright,
'Cause the ol' fuckin' wanker, forgot me fuckin' bike.

Hey Santa Claus you cunt, where's me fuckin' bike? 
I've unwrapped all this other junk and there's nothin' that I like,
I wrote you a bloody letter, and I come to see you twice,
You worn out geriatric fart you forgot me fuckin' bike.

Hey Santa Claus you cunt, where's me fuckin' bike?
I've unwrapped all this other junk and there's nothin' that I like,
I wrote you a bloody letter, and I come to see you twice,
You worn out geriatric fart you forgot me fuckin' bike.

I'll rob you in you old cunt, I'll tell me ol' man on you,
Punch your fuckin' lights out,
I saw mommy sucking Santa Claus.