You was a weedy little bastard goin' bald and really thin,
I reckon then back was a word they probably made up just for him,
But with every beer he knocked back his confidence had swelled,
'Til he become ten foot tall, fuckin' bullet proof as well.

Then this dunnin' little pommie waved his finger in the air,
"I know she'll fuckin' kill me, but I don't fuckin' care",
Then the pub sprung to attention when he give the bar a thont,
"I've held me fuckin' tongue too long about her big fat bum.

She's got a big fat bum, it weigh half a fuckin' ton,
You'd not see nout like it's on her big fat bum.

Caw you should see her in the mornin' over breakfast oh my god,
Sat there with a fuckin' fag end stickin' out her gum,
With her hair all up in curlers and her fluffy slippers on,
With fuckin' blowflies buzzin' 'round her big fat bum.

She's got a big fat bum, it weigh half a fuckin' ton,
Fuckin' pogs in all her docents on big fat bum.

And in the evenin' if we go out she had double on the bus,
And they've banned her from the bingo 'cause she farts too fuckin' 
much,
So that's why most nights you'll find me on me own here in the pub,
While she's home watchin' telly on her big fat bum.

She's got a big fat bum, it weigh half a fuckin' ton,
Fuckin' wearin' out our sofa on her big fat bum".

Then he quietly reassured me, "Didn't always look like that,
She were trim last when we wedded, her ass weren't always fat,
Now she's got a fuckin' fat ass and a moustache like her mum,
There's hair up there as well as in her big fat bum.

She's got a big fat bum, it weigh half a fuckin' ton,
Fuckin' hairy fat and ugly with her big fat bum".

Then he passed his glass and asked me, "Could I have another one?
'Cause tonight's our anniversary and I'm too frightened to go home,
'Cause she'll have stockin's and suspenders and her fancy knickers 
on,
She'll want a nookie and a love heart on her big fat bum.

She's got a big fat bum, it weigh half a fuckin' ton,
Me little willy's frightened of her big fat bum".

It was tragic but it was funny, 'cause that night there in the pub,
When I come back from the dunny, me little pommie mate was gone,
And it broke me heart to see him bein' dragged out'a that pub,
By the bollocks 'tween the fattocks of her big fat bum.

She had a big fat bum, it weigh half a fuckin' ton,
You'd not see nout like it's on her big, fat, bum.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.