So I stepped up for the weighin' I knew the scales were wrong

Cause you know how them drugstore scales get stepped on all day long

A little fortune card came out it bears upon my mind

There was no fortune all it said but just one at a time

Because when I'm a heavyweight I'm fine when I'm fine

I got a suit for every weight up to size fifty-nine

I always wanted to waterski I finally got up this year

Two iron boards and toe chain and I came right out of there

People wonder how I laugh at things that make 'em frown

And how I keep my double chin from a draggin' on the ground

I guess the folks are curious ask where I get to drive

But I can go to distance with any girl alive

Because honey I'm a heavyweight I'm fine if you are mine

You won't get cold in the winter and I'm a shade in summertime

One gets lonely two's companions three's a crowd they say

But I won't fuss if you bring the bus and load the darlings by today

Someday I'll have to hangin' up and underfeet the heavyweight

I'll never make the weighin' for a million dollare gate

I'm a suckin' it to you puny lads you better stay out of my way

And maybe next year you might be able to prove a little weigh your way

Cause when I'm a heavyweight I was fine sixty-nine

And that's not my suit size buddy just the year I left behind

But when they try to put me down six feet under the ground

There ain't no way to cover up the round mound of sound

No there ain't no way to cover up the round mound of sound