I grew up in a ghetto

That was only one house wide

With smiling suburbs all around

And poverty inside

The oldest of an army

That the church was proud to claim

And on the brink of womanhood

I almost lost my name

And I was



Chorus: Quivering in my fever-life

	Wishing that I was dead

	Suddenly realizing they were

	Talking over my head

	Learning to speak their double-talk

	Facing each day with dread

	Waiting waiting waiting waiting

	Waiting for that first smear of red





For God was my delirium and sisterhood my goal

But my church began to wonder

If the commies had a soul

And the day I saw a bishop

With an M-1 in his hand

Was the last day of my life

Beneath hypocrisy?s command

But I was..



(chorus)



My wishes all said "Woman"

But my body answered "Child"

My life was just a little odd

My outlook warped and wild

I told my inhibitions

They would fall away someday

The ghosts of them still haunt me

And I cannot run away

But I was--

(chorus)



I've had my turn as maiden, a longer one than most

And I have been a mother

For two girls, one boy, one ghost

I'm looking toward my future

And my chance to be the crone

But although my life is crowded 

I am doing this alone

And now I'm



Last chorus:

Quviering in my fever-life

Wishing that time was dead

Suddenly realizing that I'm

Talking over your head

Throwing away the double-talk

Hanging on by a thread

Waiting waiting waiting waiting

Waiting for that last smear of red









Words and music:  Kathy Mar



Copyright 2002 Kathy Mar