I stole a quarter when I was a kid 

And momma said I'd be sorry for the sin that I did 

And daddy whopped me 

And the preacher said shame 

But I guess the Bible lessons didn't take


'Cause I cuss and I smoke 

I laugh at dirty jokes 

The minor vices, man I know 'em well 

I've closed down bars 

I've lusted in my heart 

My ex-wives think I ought to burn in Hell 

But the devil won't even notice when I die 

Don't ya figure, he's got bigger fish to fry


Boss Hogg, politicians taken' pork-barrel bribes 

Crooked corporation honchos get off with no time 

Christmas Eve burglars stealing good children's toys 

Pop stars hanging out with little boys


Yeah, I cuss and I smoke 

I laugh at dirty jokes 

The minor vices, man I know 'em well 

I've closed down bars 

I've lusted in my heart 

My ex-wives think I ought to burn in Hell 

But the devil won't even notice when I die 

'Cause I figure, he's got bigger fish to fry


There's gonna be a bonfire burning 

An everlasting barbeque 

But with all the bad stuff going on 

There ain't gonna be room for me and you


Yeah, cause I cuss and I smoke 

I laugh at dirty jokes 

The minor vices, man I know 'em well 

I've closed down bars 

I've lusted in my heart 

My ex-wives think I ought to burn in Hell 

But the devil he won't notice when I die 

Don't you figure, he's got bigger fish to fry


The way I figure he's got bigger fish to fry


Man, it's hot in here