Cardboard cutout superheroes and
Paragons on barstools
She was a professional teller machine user
He was your basic beautiful loser
They had no worries all they ever had was cool

And I wish that I was Brad and Suzy, I really do
I wish that I was stuck on someone
I wish that I was half of a two
I wish that we were like that baby
I wish sometimes you'd love and hate me
Pa-pa-pa-pow Pa-pa-pa-pow

The Sigma Chis imbibed, decried
And tried to pry him from his
Little Delta Tri-Omega Chi Fi Mu Hoddi Toddi A-D-Pi and Theta
But she wouldn't let them
Idiot
'Cause her heart was as big as the world
And she was his first loving girl
And he swore he'd stand by her forever
And late at night, drunk on wine
They'd fall in bed and intertwine
And they'd make love then like nobody never

And I wish that I was Brad or Suzy
Pa-pa-pa-pow Pa-pa-pa-pow
I wish that I was Brad or Suzy
I wish that I was in a movie

Brad and Suzy finally took off for the Florida Keys
The better to exercise their collections of clothing by J. Crew
Convertible rabbit a cooler and some coozies
And six years of college course credit they'll probably never use
But I wish that I was Brad or Suzy, I really do