[Jon Lajoie]
Are you tired of this happening (can't eat)
What about this (can't play guitar)
And how many times has this (can't hold the phone properly) happened to you?
Well suffer no more cause we created a product that is designed to eliminate these problems and improve your quality of life significantly.
Introducing! Hands!

Hands were specifically designed to facilitate manual tasks to eliminate problems associated with not having hands.
Such as:
Inability to Hi-Five and difficulty communicating your coastal Hip Hop Region.
West Side (damn it)
With hands you'll be able to:
Hold Mug
Play keyboard
Write a story about bird-farts
Point at Ketchup
Gay Masturbation (I wanna put my penis in your bum)
Straight Masturbation (I wanna put my penis in your bum)
Slap a fridge
Hold a picture of Emilio Estevez
Argue with a Jealous Hamburger

[Hamburger]
(Stop looking at my girlfriend)

[Jon Lajoie]
I wasn't looking at her! I swear!

[Jon Lajoie]
Nipple pinch!
Genocide!
And much more!

Here is what people are saying about Hands!

(Jon Lajoie-Vomits)

Tired of this happening?

[Dude]
I have skin cancer!

[Jon Lajoie]
With hands you'll be able to?

[Dude]
I still have skin cancer!

[Jon Lajoie]
What are you waiting for be as Hands on, as you always wanted to be!

Hands will help you:

Text Message!
Throw basketball!
Throw Tiger!
Lean!
Exaggerated Lean!
Fake Chinese with Hand!

Ching Chong Ching Chong Ching Chong

Air Fingering!
Staple!
Pretend to be a U2 Fan!

[Jon Lajoie - As A U2 fan]
I love how every song sounds the same!

[Jon Lajoie]
Gardening!
Racist Gardening! (damn Jews)

And much much more!

Buy one Hand today and get the second one for bees!

[Jon Lajoie as Bees]
Make honey honey
Make honey honey
Make!

[Jon Lajoie - Is Shot]
Ahhhhhhh! Why did you shot me?

[Hamburger]
You were looking at my girlfriend so I shot ya!
Don't ever f*** with a jealous hamburger!

[Jon Lajoie]
What are you waiting for?
Give youself a Hand or two!
Hahahahahahahahahahah

Order your hands today, by calling toll free 1-800-Aids-Fart or simply pee in a bucket and mail it to:

My D

Side effects may include:
Finger blasting
Rape- Fist
Abusive Husband
F*** You
The Might Ducks 1 & 2
And death by hand swallow

[Jon Lajoie - As A U2 fan]
I especially like the newer stuff, I like how it's all really over produced

Ching Chong Ching Chong Ching Chong

[Hamburger]
What the f*** you looking at b****