Bootlegs & B-Sides Lyrics, Transcript, & Video by Jon Lajoie

Jon Lajoie on Bootlegs & B-Sides: Hi everyone. This is a video of stuff I never released because it sucks balls. So, watch it anyway?
Jon lajoie bootlegs & b-sides - unreleased material
"I don't understand" lyrics from jon lajoie's bootlegs and b-sides video

(Starts off with acoustic guitar playing)
I don't understand,
Can somebody tell me what's going on?
Why is there a drunk Chinese man doing push-ups on my front lawn?
And why's he wearing lipstick?
("Different kinds of trees" lyrics from jon lajoie's bootlegs & b-sides video)

(Starts off with techno bass beat)
There are so many different kinds of trees,
There are so many different kinds of trees.
There are so many different kinds of trees,
There are so many different kinds of trees.

There is this kind of tree...
And this kind of tree.
There is also this kind of tree...
Or this kind of tree.

There are so many different kinds of trees,
There are so many different kinds of trees.
"Michael Richards" lyrics from jon lajoie's bootlegs & b-sides video

(Starts off with acoustic guitar playing... sounds like something Jack Johnson would play, ha! )
One eventful night in a comedy club,
Michael Richards said something.
So I took his words and I turned them into a song,
And this is the song I sing...

He said...

(Talking) You know what... I don't think this is a good song idea.
"Jon Lajoie presents a man that thinks that 'yelling' is 'table salt'" transcript from jon lajoie's bootlegs & b-sides video

(Jon Lajoie eating soup)
(Jon Lajoie yells at soup) Ahhhhhhh!
Mmmm...
"Jon Lajoie presents a man that thinks that 'chairs' are 'Harvey Keitel'" transcript from jon lajoie's bootlegs & b-sides video

Jon Lajoie: Aw man you were awesome in Reservoir Dogs
"June 2007 Pre-High as Fuck" lyrics from jon lajoie's bootlegs & b-sides video

(To the tune of High as Fuck)
You ever wanted to ask a girl out,
But you didn't know what to say so you just wimped out.
Have you ever been shy as fuck?
(Jon Lajoie talking) Yeah, this is not very funny. We should get high and try and come up with something better.

(Take 2)

Have you ever watched the sun shine
While you're having sex with a girl and a guy at the same time?
Have you ever been bi as fuck?
(Jon Lajoie talking) Yeah... no, that's just creepy. Oh no, wait a minute... we're high... I just came up with a genius idea.

(Take 3)

Have you ever watched the sun go down
And you're thinking about the world spinning 'round?
Have you ever met Emilio Estevez?
(Jon Lajoie talking) Awesome... that's the one... that's the one right there.
"Potty training video song" lyrics from jon lajoie's bootlegs & b-sides video

Hello boys and girls,
It's time to learn about potty time.
Do you feel a caca in your bum-bum
Or a pee-pee in your wee-wee?
Well, come along and sing with me...

Poo-poo comes out of your bum
And it makes funny noises...
(Farting noises)

Poopoo comes out of your bum
But you should do it in the toilet.
And if you have to do a peepee
Do it in the potty...
Peeing in your pants is really really naughty.

This applies to some old people too.

(Text on screen: Jon Lajoie will be "Live as Fuck" in LA on Oct. 29th at The Irvine Improv and on Oct. 30th at Spaceland)

(Jon Lajoie talking) This video was brought to you by really expensive clothing. It's the only way to show people that you're an interesting person. Reallly expensive clothing... cause what else are you gonna spend your money on... poor people?

(More text on screen: And for all of my Canadian brothers and sisters that have supported me from day one, I'll be in a town near you very soon, I swear. Love you.)
Outtakes from "Show me your genitals" and "Potty Training Video Song"