Saw a man in a bar with his hair like a lady 
Bloody thorns 'round his ears like he was a crazy 
He had holes in his hands and a cross for a spine 
Crushed a berry in his Perrier and he called it wine 

He said, "There's great sadness in life, but don't sit there and blub
Here's some tickets for your friends to the Jesus Stag Night Club!" 

I can't remember where I was last night 
Think I was hanging naked off a church spire 
Tied by my ankles to a weathervane 
Felt like I was Jesus on fire 
Cuffed to the bumper of a big truck 
I begged my dad to take me to a strip bar 
Drank kerosene slammers through my eyeballs 
Drove myself home in a stolen car 

Turn a bird upside down and it lies in your fingers like a dead man 
When you throw it in the air it's resurrected from your hand 
We went to a motel, he showed me his Bible 
I said, "Tell me the truth," while he looked me in the eyeball 

He said, "There's great happiness in life but don't just sit there in love
Here's some tickets for your friends to the Jesus Stag Night Club!" 

I can't remember where I was last night 
Think I was getting on a night bus 
Lyin' on the laps of my good friends 
Judas Priest and Lazarus 
I'm getting married in the big bad morning 
But it feels like I'm giving birth 
I feel so happy, I could scream 
"This is my last few seconds on Earth" 

Saw a man in the street lying on the floor beaten up 
He had a fish finger sandwich and a yellow M coffee cup 
I bent down drunk and tried to pick him up 
But when I turned around I could see, it was Jesus

I can't remember where I was last night 
Think I was hanging on a church spire 
Tied by my ankles to a weathervane 
Felt like I was Jesus on fire 
Cuffed to the bumper of a big truck 
I begged my dad to take me to a strip bar 
Drank kerosene slammers through my eyeballs 
Drove myself home in a stolen car 

I can't remember where I was last night 
Think I was getting on a night bus 
Lyin' on the laps of my good friends 
Judas Priest and Lazarus 
I'm getting married in the big bad morning 
But it feels like I'm giving birth 
I feel so happy, I could scream 
"This is my last few seconds on Earth!"