I don't want to go out any more

I read the news, I can't believe my eyes

I push the table against the door

You know I've had it with the world outside



If you want to know about the murderers and junkies

If you want to know about the Lower East Side

Now they got a map shows you where to get your monkey

You can read it in the Monday papers, Monday papers



Some people like a little gore

Some people always at the scenes of crimes

Now they can watch the TV more

Now they can get it in the Sunday Times



If you find it hard to handle what you see on Page One

You can pull the funnies out and have some laughs

Take a drink and maybe you can laugh at Ronald Reagan

You can read it in the Monday papers, read it in the Monday papers



Monday papers don't ask no questions

Monday papers don't get no lies

Monday papers don't raise objection

Monday papers don't got no eyes



Brother's heading that way now I guess

He just read something made his face turn blue

Well I got nothing against the press

They wouldn't print it if it wasn't true



If you want to know about the gay politician

If you want to know how to be a star

Ladies - if you want to know about the new sex position

You can read it in the Monday papers, read it in the Monday papers



Monday papers don't ask no questions

Monday papers don't get no lies

Monday papers don't raise objection

Monday papers don't got no eyes



Monday papers don't ask no questions

Monday papers don't get no lies

Monday papers don't raise objection

Monday papers don't got no eyes



Read all about it, Monday papers