By: Steve Goodman 

1975 

Uh this hotel room's gotta lotta stuff 

Laundry bag and a shoe shine cloth 

Thirty two hangers and a touch tone phone 

Well a light that comes on when I ain't home 



I ain't home 

I ain't home 

You better leave a message 'cause 

I ain't home 



They got an air conditioner for when I'm hot 

A radiator for when I'm not 

Two big chairs sittin' side by side 

With a holy bible and the TV Guide 



TV Guide 

The TV Guide 

Great God Almighty 

It's the TV Guide 



I gotta second story view from curb to curb 

I gotta sign that reads "Do Not Disturb" 

A monogrammed towel and a bucket of ice 

A chest of drawers and a mirror that lies 



Mirror that lies 

A mirror that lies 

That couldn't be me 

In the gorilla disguise 



They got a room service menu for food and drink 

A porcelain throne and an aluminum sink 

Two big pillows to rest my head 

A Magic Fingers and a king-size bed 



Put in a quarter 

Turn out the light 

Magic Fingers makes ya feel alright 



Uh feel alright 

Feel alright 

Magic Fingers makes you feel alright 



Uh this ol' hotel's all right with me 

They pay the postage if you lose the key 

This hotel room's gotta lot of stuff 

But I do believe I've had enough 



Called my baby said don't you pout 

I'm packin' my bags and I'm checkin' out 

Just as soon as you hang up the telephone 

Stick a candle in the window I'm comin' home 



Comin' home 

Uh comin' home 

Stick a candle in the window 

I'm comin' home 



Whoa comin' home 

Comin' home 

Stick a candle in the window 

I'm comin' home 



-- Spoken: "Thank you boys"