Josh:
Hey, kid
Everyone’s waiting on you, kid
Everyone’s wond’ring what you’ll do, kid
It’s true kid
Me too, kid

Hey, kid
We’re so excited
Just to know you’ll soon be here
Say – kid
We’re both delighted
Though that may not seem so clear
But I did my o.b. rotation
So I know the ins and outs
And you're an act of God’s creation
So I'm fine with all the doubts
I'm a doctor and a soldier
I've been shelled, and under fire
But kid
If I say that you don't scare me, I'm a liar

Now kid
You did surprise me
Though I know the facts of life
Wow, kid
It terrifies me
Just to say “My pregnant wife”
‘Cause kid, I gotta tell ya
I'm not ready – not a bit
There's this macho act I’ll sell ya
While inside I lose my shit
It’s not that I don't want you
‘Cause I do, despite my fears
But kid
Is it true you’ll stick around for eighteen years?

Then the call comes on the iPhone
I grab a cab cross town
I find her on the fourth floor
And they’ve got her in the gown

She’s never looked less lovely
She’s a grump and she’s got gas
And the labor’s eighteen hours
Oh my God, kid, move your ass

Then at last you make your entrance
And, well, kid, you're quite a sight
I’ll be honest – you're disgusting
But I know that you're all right

Though you're screaming and you're spitting
And I can't quite see your charms
They clean you and they clothe you
And they put you in my arms

And I realize, in an instant
That I've known you all along
That I've wanted you forever
That I’ll never do you wrong

And whatever this world comes to
And whatever comes our way
I will watch you, and protect you
I promise, kid, we’ll be okay
We’ll be okay
We’ll be okay
Hey

Kid
I feel like yelling
Ring the bell and bang the drum
Say, kid
There's just no telling all the things that you’ll become
And I think we’ll have some fun here
Your mom, and you, and me
And before your time is done here
Kid of mine, I hope you’ll see
That this life is what you make it
It’s cliche, which means it’s true
And kid
It makes my life to know I helped make you

As a father, kid, I may not have a clue
But your mom and me will somehow muddle through
If my asshole dad could do it, I can too
In fact, I’ll do better, I’ll start new
‘Cause kid
My kid
Our kid
I love you