"Ladies and gentlemen... thank you...
we proudly present, live form the Kharzie-Au-Go-Go, 
Wapping,
the incomparable Judge Dread and the incompetent Ivor 
Biggun
Take it away lads..."
"Good evening Mr. Biggun"
"Good evening Mr. Dread
It's nice to see you sober"
"I thought that you were dead"
Before your eyes we'll exercise
That rumpy-pumpy beat
A brand new workout
Physical jerkout
This'll get you off your feet
Bonkola, bonkola
exercise for the knob (knob knob)
Bonkola, bonkola
Good to be on the job (knob job)
Now I'm a w*nking wonder
With a muscular right arm
Thudding on the pudding
Pumping percy in the palm
I prefer bonkola
You hardly have to budge
Just be upstanding, stuff your gland in
Hang on girls, here comes the judge
chorus
It's awfully good for the figure
It's frightfully good for the health
I do it with vim and with vigour
And i just do it myself
C'mon Judge, let's get bonking...
In - out, in - out, in - out, in - out
chorus
So if you're good at press-ups
This is really up your street
Try them on the carpet
With a lady underneath
And if you grunt and groan a lot
But still can't get it right
Don't complain, what a shame
You'll have to practice every night
chorus
"Here Ivor, you know what, you really are a w*nker"
"Oh shut up, Donkey Dick"