A maiden pretty from Jersey City
Paid a visit to some cousins out of town
She answered, "Mercy" when cousin Percy
Said, "I'd dearly love to show you all around"
Like bees a-buzzin'
She and her cousin
Were together ev'ry minute of the day
One night he kissed her, she shouted, "Mister"
But he answered in a cute and cunning way

[chorus:]
If I thought you wouldn't tell your mother
I would try and take one more
Promise not to tell your father or your brother
And I'll make it three or four
If I thought that you could keep a secret
I would keep you busy, Nell
I'd forget that I'm your cousin
And I'd take a half a dozen
If I only thought you wouldn't tell

[2nd verse:]
One evening early, he took the girlie
To a restaurant where drinks are often tried
He ordered porter, she ordered water
Then she said, "I'll take a cocktail on the side"
She drank a dozen
Just then her cousin
Whispered, "Dearie, don't you think we should go home?"
She answered, "Later, please call the waiter"
Then she murmured in a rather husky tone

[2nd chorus:]
If I thought you wouldn't tell your mother
I would try and take one more
Promise not to tell your father or your brother
And I'll make it three or four
If I thought that you could keep a secret
I would take all they would sell
I'd forget that I'm your cousin
And I'd take a half a dozen
If I only thought you wouldn't tell