in order, for one to metamorphasize, from one's inner self being projected out into 

the astral plane and to rematerialize into an inanamite object or another living 

organism for that matter is entirely and absolutely impossible, however



if i was your tv i'd be like, look at me

if i was shooting star i be like shooooom (peace)

if i was a fat bitches thong i'd be like hell nah

if i was a hotties thong i'd be like ahh

if i was a cuss word i'd just be like, fuck

if i was a rock on the moon i'd be chillin like sup

if i was a butthole i'd just be an exit

if i was the DOC i'd be like "man this is bull shit"

if i was your tires on your car i'd be like (car noises)

if i was the bumper on your car i'd be like ahh fuck

if i was a balloon i'd be like (balloon losing air)

if i was Alyssia Milano i'd be fucking Joe Bruce

if i was a radio DJ i'd probably say, point 103

if i was a richie ass bitch i'd be like, um ok

if i was spin magazine i'd put a mirror on the cover and be like

fuck us and all our readers, even this mother fucker

if i was your mental stress i'd be catching up

if i was your headaches every now and then I'd be like thuuummmp

if i was your tounge i'd be hatin' your teeth i'd be like 

ah why do you try to bite me every time we eat?

if i was a chair i'd be like sit here

and if i was kid rock i'd cut my feathered wolf hair

if i was your muffler i'd be like shhh quietly

if i was a price tag i'd be like you ain't buyin me

if i was a fresh DJ i'd be like (scratching record)

if i was jam master jay i'd be like(scratching record)

if i was a cheap clock radio i'd be like (radio static)

if i was barry white i'd be like what up ya'll

if i was a nipple in the cold i'd be like (spring noise)

if i was your dead uncle i'd be like

if i was a rain drop i'd just be like (rain drop)

and i had an axe and your neck i might say Chop



[Chorus]

If i was if i was but i'll never be

(if i was if i was but i'll never be)

If i was if i was but i'll never be

(if i was if i was but i'll never be)

If i was if i was boy your killing me

(if i was if i was boy your killing me)

If i was if i was but i'll never be

(If i was if i was but i'll never be)



If i was a faygo at one of our shows

i'd fly through the air into an ocean of juggalo's

if i was Andre the giant this is how i would be manly

if i was father mc i'd be like yeah what happened

if i was a mirror i'd find another mirror

and look each other dead in the eye, crystal clear

if i was a slider i'd slid out your but, i'd be floating in the toilet 

looking at you like what?

if i was a pilot i'd be like air traffic control

if i was john denver i'd be like ahhhh

if i was a switch i'd be like flip me yoohoo

if i was a london cop car i'd be like (siren)

if i was chewbacca i'd get me a fresh ass ?face?

if i was vanilla ice i'd be like fuck yall i'm still paid

if i was a stop sign i'd just be like stop

if i was your wooden leg i'd still be giving you the hip hop



[Chorus 2x]