"give God the first portion of your incomesay that with me."

"give God the first portion of your income."

"give it first! not after the deducts. not after the social securityand

The hospitalizationand the malnutrition. not after all these things on ya

Checkya say 'i'm a give God a little what's left.' you doand that's what

You gonna get from god."

Who am i? I'm not the devil

I can take you to my level

Above the rocksabove the earth

Tell me what your soul is worth.

How much money do you make? 

How much will you let me take? 

I will give you tranquility

Just send you wealth and checks to me.

Life is going to expire

And your soul will burn in fire.

You will perish in the thunder

Unless you call my hotline number.

God has asked you to make me rich

Me and my fat-rat gaudy bitch.

On your t.v.'s late at night

Send those checksand I'll guide you to the light.

"don't put away your wallets just yetbrothers and sisters. there's

Somebody here I'd like all of you to meet. this is little jonathan.

Jonathansay hello to the lovely people."

"hello."

"jonathan has problems. twisted necktangled legscrooked spinebut we

Can heal this boy!

For justuhsix thousand dollarswe can heal this boy!"

God called me and then stopped by

And he told me you're gonna die

Unless you buy my holy water

Checkcashor a money order.

This is truedon't question me

I'll even send you shit for free.

It's only ten buck for the call

And I'll send a prayerno charge at all.

Put your lips up to the screen

Close your eyelidsand intervene

Your lips to minenow send the cash

And while you're thereyou can kiss my ass.

Take your paycheckand send me half

And I'll send you god's autograph.

I'll get you allah'sand bhuddah's too

Even zeusI don't give a fuck who

Just send me that money.

"would you like to be healedlittle jonathan? "

"yeahreverend."

"you seebrothers and sistersthis-"

Beep-beep! beep-beep!

"excuse me. I told you never to page me on a sermon day. yes? uh-huh.

Hallelujah.

Howdy.

Peoplethat was the lordtoday onlyhe will heal this boyfor just

Five

Thousand dollars!"

Pass the collection plate

Pass the collection plate

Pass the collection plate

Pass the collection plate

(show me how you giveI'll tell you how to live.)

Your total's twenty-two eleven

For your set of keys to heaven.

Make the checks out in my name

Me or God it's all the same.

Bring your crippled ass to me

Pay my usher the holy fee.

I'll bless your legsand bless your chair

Then wheel your bitch ass outta here.

Now a special ceremony

This part don't cost any money.

Drip a drop of blessed water

Now I fertalize your daughter.

Even though I fucked a hooker

Took your baby girl and shook her

You still buy everything I sell

And I'm livin' well

See you in hell.

"four-thousand eight-hundrednine-hundredfive thousan-hallelujah!

You did itbrothers and sisters! are you readyjonathan? lord almighty

We've met your pricegive me the healing powerI can feel it! lord!

Rumilumilamanamanumi! this boy is healed!"

"huh? "

"nowto the naked eyeit would appear that this boy has not been

Healedbut I can assure youthis boy's spirit has been healed! inside this

Tangledmangled frame is a healed little boy.

His spirit is healed! hallelujah!"



"country cookin'can I take your order? "

"you want the red-eye gravy with that? "

"with chitlins or black-eyed peas? "

"lemme cypher up your billhere."

"that comes to fourteen nintey-five."

"okaybe ready quicker that two jiggles of a jackrabbit's ass."