In the garden of bad metaphors
We are pandas marching off to war
We are dragons on an ironing board
We are fish in pants
And the dandelions are fighter jets
And the serving boys are marmosets
And the vegetables are Chia Pets
As we start to dance
In the garden?in the garden

On the island of bad similes
We will walk like dogs in dungarees
We will sing like Persian chimpanzees
As we purr like sheep
We'll be squeaky as a rocking chair
As fragrant as long underwear
As radiant as Sonny and Cher
As we drift to sleep
On the island?on the island

And oh?the pond of bad allegory
Reminds me of the story
Of two spoons and a cow
The first spoon wanted milk, you see
The cow responded ?not from me?
The other spoon requested tea
And thus they learned equality
And then they took a bow?
Just like we'll do right now?
(but the song's not done)

And now, Matthew will take you on a mystical journey...
...to the sea of bad internal rhymes

In the sea of bad internal rhymes
There are chimes full of limes perpetrating crimes
Sometimes stealing dimes from the happy primes
(That's a real thing)
We will fly on pie and toasted rye
With a guy and his tie and his lazy eye
Waving bye with a sigh playing jai alai
As we start to sing

And we hope you'll sing along
In the album of bad songs