I have always been a woman who arranges things
For the pleasure and the profit it derives
I have always been a woman who arranges things
Like furniture and daffodils and lives

If you want your sister courted, brother wed
Or cheese imported, just leave everything to me
If you want your roof inspected, eyebrows tweezed
Or bills collected, just leave everything to me

If you want your daughter dated or some marriage
Consummated for a rather modest fee
If you want a husband spotted, boyfriend traced
Or chicken potted, I'll arrange for making all arrangements
Just leave everything to me

If you want your ego bolstered, muscles toned
Or chair upholstered, just leave everything to me
Charming social introductions, expert
Mandolin instructions, just leave everything to me

If you want your culture rounded, French improved
Or torso pounded with a ten year guarantee
If you want a birth recorded, collies bred
Or kittens ported, I'll proceed to plan the whole procedure
Just leave everything to me

Where to, Dolly? Yonkers, New York to handle a highly personal matter
For Mr. Horace Vandergelder, the well-known, unmarried
Half-a-millionaire, gonna marry him yourself, Dolly? Why Mr. Sullivan
Whatever put such a preposterous idea into my head, your head

If you want a law abolished, jury swayed
Or toenails polished, just leave everything to me
If you want your liver tested, glasses made
Cash invested, just leave everything to me

If you want your children coddled, corsets pulled
Or furs remodeled or some nice, fresh fricassee
If you want your bustle shifted, wedding planned
Or bosom lifted, don't be ashamed girls
Life is full of secrets and I keep 'em

I'll discretely use my own discretion
I'll arrange for making all arrangements
I'll proceed to plan the whole procedure
Just leave everything to me