[Phone rings]
Man: Hello, Palace.
Guido: G'day mate, my name is Guido Hatzis, right,
M: Yes?
G: and I read in the paper today that the queen is coming to
   Australia next year.
M: Yes Yes, where are you calling from?
G: Mate I call from Australia. Now I’m prepared to let the
   old lady stay at my place, alright?
M: Err, who is this?
G: Mate it's Guido Hatzis, alright?
M: Ahh, where are you from?
G: Mate I told you before alright you deaf pommy poof, alright,
   I’m from Australia, alright?
M: I beg your pardon? you can't-
G: Nah, nah mate listen to me, listen to me, alright?
M: You can't speak to me like that!
G: Nah I will speak to you like that, alright? I’m ringing to
   tell you that the Queen can stay at my place but only on the
   couch mate, alright?
M: Err, I'm fine? Look?
G: Nah, nah mate, are you a beefeater, is that what you are?
M: I beg your pardon?
G: Mate are you a beefeater? ‘Cos I tell ya, the next thing you'll
   eat mate is a knuckle sandwich from me, right?
M: Look, if you have any specific comments, I can write them in
   the book and pass them on.
G: Nah, nah, mate, write in the book alright, write it right now,
   You are a dick-head Pommy poof, alright, can you spell that?
M: I'm Sorry.
G: Nah, nah, mate I am sorry that I speak to you, you're the
   dickhead mate, you need to get me the Queen on the phone now,
   alright?
M: I'm sorry?
G: Yeah, you say sorry alot mate, I’d be sorry if I had a head
   like you mate, alright?
M: Listen, if you have any specific enquiries about the Royal Family-
G: Nah, nah, mate, I'll start again, alright, cause you're a stupid
   pommy poofter alright, so what we do, right, the Queen, she come
   and stay at my place, alright, two days a week she work at my
   Nanna's fish and chip shop, alright?
M: (mumbling) Ridiculous.
G: Nah, mate, ridiculous? It will be, she will get the sack if she
   steal any pickled onions alright?
M: I don’t believe this!
G: Nah, nah mate, I am tired of speaking to you, I will go now, alright?
M: Look, if you have any specific enquiries about the royal family,
   you can leave them here, with, and I will write them in the book
   and pass them on.
G: Mate, alright, you write 'em in the book, alright, why are they a
   bunch of poofs?
Question mark, Guido Hatzis, goodbye.
[Guido hangs up]