A-well I met this guy sometime last May 

I heard he was hung and a machine gun

 lay But I musta been drunk, I musta been busy

 Musta been watchin' tapes of old MacGuyver or 

Richard Bey IF ANYONE OBJECTS TO THIS MATRIMONY

 YOU BETTER BAG THE BAD TUX AND JUST RIDE MY PONY 

AND ALL YOU BAD FUCKS OUT THERE DON'T YOU TRY 

TO BONE ME I ONLY WANTED A PIECE OF THAT FRIED 

BALONEY-ONEY FIRST I DID SOME JUMPING JACKS 

AND I SAW IT IN HIS PANTS HE SAID “DAMN 

I LIKE YOUR RACK--I MEAN, YOU CAN REALLY DANCE!!!!” 

BY THE TIME I GOT TO THE RUNNING MAN I THOUGHT 

THAT HE MIGHT BE GETTING SOFT THEN HE PICKED UP

 THE PHONE AND SAID “HEY! THE WEDDING'S OFF!!!” 

And so that guy I had just met last May He saw my camel toe 

then canceled his wedding day In a leotard made 

of the finest gold lame At his bachelor party guess 

who popped right outta the cake? (Repeat chorus)