I eat only sleep and air

and everyone thinks I'm dumb

but I'm smart because I've figured it out.





I am slimmer than you are

and I am burning my skin off little by little

until I reach bone and self

until I get to where I am essential

until I get to where I am



Food doesn't tempt me anymore

because I am so full of energy and sense

I can even pass by water now

because I am living off the parts of me

that I don't need anymore.



I could feel the slow drips of pain before,

swirling inside where my lungs should have been.

Now I'm clean inside.



I threw out hundreds of things that I didn't need 

anymore.

All my dresses and bras

stupid things like jeans and socks.

Most days I float through the house naked

so I can see myself in the mirrors.

I have hundreds of them everywhere

and they talk back to me all the time.

They keep me true and pure.

They make sure I'm still here.



When I knew what I had to do

I took all my notebooks, all my manuscripts

and ate them page by page

so I could take my words with me.



I can finally control my life and even death

and I will die slowly like steam escaping from a pipe.



This is my greatest performance

and all of the actresses who won my parts will say

how wonderful to let yourself go that mad,

how wonderful to go on this kind of journey

and not care if you come back to tell the story.



I scratch words on the walls now

so people will visit this museum and know

how someone like me ends up like this

(they'll say there is art in here somewhere).




Everything that comes out of me is sacred

every tear, every cough, every piss.

Everything that comes off of me is sacred

every fingernail, every eyelash, every hair.





Starvation is sacred and I scratch my bones

against the windows at night.

I light candles and feel myself evaporate.

This body is a little church, a little temple.

You can't see me now because I've gone inside.





My family doesn't call anymore.

My friends don't call anymore.

You can't hurt me anymore.

They can't hurt me anymore.

Only I can.



And that's okay.

I don't need them anymore.

I can live off of me.

I speak to me.

I dance with me.

I eat me.



When they find me, I'll have a little smile on my face

and they'll wrap me in a white cloth and lay me in the 

ground

and say they don't understand.

But I do.

I don't hurt anymore.

I'm not lonely anymore.

I'm not sad I'm not pretty anymore.

I made it through.



I feel so holy and clean when I stretch out on the 

floor and sing.

Sometimes god comes in for a minute and says I'm doing 

fine, I'm almost there.



Every day I get a little closer to vanishing.

Some days I can't stand up because the room moves under 

my feet

and I smile because I'm almost there,

I'm almost an angel.



One day when I am thin enough

I'll go outside

fluttering my hands so I can fly

and I will be so slight that I will pass through all of 

you

silently

like wind.