[Intro]
Literally anything could be hiding in the dark.
Anything.

I'm not afraid of the dark;
I'm afraid of what's in the dark;
That I cannot see;
Because it's so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark

There might be a ghost in the dark;
That's pretty unlikely;
But there definitely could be a slippery spot;
And that's arguably even more frightening

There might be a sudden level change;
Like an unexpected step down;
Your foot is still up in the air when your brain thought it'd be on the ground by now

There might be some fungus 'cause they like it where it's dark and moist;
Wait, are we talking about mushrooms?
Athlete's foot, but you make a good point;
'Cause some mushrooms are deadly and in the dark I might be fooled;
But it's not like you have to eat it;
But you know how much I like mushrooms

I'm not afraid of the dark;
I'm afraid of what's in the dark;
That I cannot see;
Because it's so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark

There could be two fractions in the dark and they need to be added together;
But I don't remember how to add fractions;
And I don't have a calculator;

There might be a jury summons;
And it says you gotta go in on your birthday;
Gonna have to look at murder photos while I'm trying to enjoy my ice cream cake;

There could be a brand-new home [Congratulations];
But they started fracking at the edge of my neighborhood;
And now my home is depreciating;

What if there's a blank canvas?
Where do I even start?
And is it even worth the risk?
Who am I?
Should I go back to law school?

I'm not afraid of the dark;
I'm afraid of what's in the dark;
That I cannot see;
Because it's so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark, so dang dark

[Outro]
Maybe this isn't such a good idea.
But there's boba on the other side.
We gotta ride the tuck.
Ride the tuck for the boba.