I got 36 expressions, sweet as pie to tough as leather
And that’s six expressions more than all them Barrymores put together
Instead of just kicking me why don’t they give me a lift
Well, it must be a plot, ‘cause their scared that I got, such a gift, well, I’m miffed

Cause I’m the greatest star, I am by far, but no one knows it, weeh
They’re gonna hear a voice, a silver flute (ah ooh ah ooh ah)
They’ll cheer each toot (hey, that kid is terrific, hmm)
When I expose it (now can’t ya see to look at me that)

I’m a natural Camille, as Camille I just feel, I’ve so much to offer
(Hey, listen kid I know I’d be divine because)
I’m a natural cougher (ahoo, aheh, ahay)
Some ain’t got it, not a lump, I’m a great big clump of talent, laugh (ha ha ha ha)

They’ll bend in half (did you ever hear the story about the traveling salesman)
A thousand jokes (stick around for the jokes)
A thousand faces, I reiterate, when you’re gifted, then you’re gifted
These are facts, I’ve got no axe to grind, hey, whaddaya blind

In all of the world so far, I’m the greatest star, no autographs, please
Ya think beautiful girls are gonna stay in style forever
I should say not, any minute now they’re gonna be out, finished!
Then it’ll be my turn, hmph

Who is the pip with pizzazz, who is all ginger and jazz
Who is as glamourous as, who’s an American beauty rose
With an American beauty nose and ten American beauty toes
Eye on the target and wham, one shot, one gun shot and bam!
Hey Mister Keeney, here I am

I’m the greatest star, I am by far, but no one knows it
That’s why I was born, I’ll blow my horn, 'til someone blows in
I gotta break the lights, gotta flash of light, I’ll flicker then flare up
All the world’s gonna stare up, looking down, you’ll never see me
Try the sky, 'cause that’ll be me

I can make ‘em cry, I can make ‘em sigh
Someday they’ll clamor for my drama, have you guessed yet
Who’s the best yet, if ya ain’t, I’ll tell ya one more time
You’ll bet your last dime, in all of the world so far
I am the greatest, greatest, star!