Strange the views some people hold!
Two young fellows quarrel--
Then they fight, for both are bold--
Rage of both is uncontrolled--
Both are stretched out, stark and cold!
Prithee, where's the moral?
Ding dong!  Ding dong!
There's an end to further action,
And this barbarous transaction
Is described as "satisfaction"!
Ha! ha! ha! ha! satisfaction!
Ding dong! Ding dong!
Each is laid in churchyard mould--
Strange the views some people hold!

Better than the method old,
Which was coarse and cruel,
Is the plan that we've extolled.
Sing thy virtues manifold
(Better than refined gold),
Statutory Duel!
Sing song! Sing song!

Sword or pistol neither uses--
Playing card he lightly chooses,
And the loser simply loses!
Ha! ha! ha! ha! simply loses.
Sing song! Sing song!
Some prefer the churchyard mould!
Strange the views some people hold!

NOT (offering a card to ERNEST):
Now take a card and gaily sing
How little you care for Fortune's rubs--

ERN (drawing a card):
Hurrah, hurrah!--I've drawn a King:

ALL:
He's drawn a King!
He's drawn a King!
Sing Hearts and Diamonds, Spades and Clubs!

ALL (dancing):
He's drawn a King!
How strange a thing!
An excellent card--his chance it aids--
Sing Hearts and Diamonds, Spades and Clubs--
Sing Diamonds, Hearts and Clubs and Spades!

NOT. (to LUDWIG):
Now take a card with heart of grace--
(Whatever our fate, let's play our parts).

LUD.  (drawing card):
Hurrah, hurrah!--I've drawn an Ace!

ALL:
He's drawn an Ace!
He's drawn an Ace!
Sing Clubs and Diamonds, Spades and Hearts!

ALL (dancing):
He's drawn an Ace!
Observe his face--
Such very good fortune falls to few--
Sing Clubs and Diamonds, Spades and Hearts--
Sing Clubs, Spades, Hearts and Diamonds too!

NOT:
That both these maids may keep their troth,
And never misfortune them befall,
I'll hold 'em as trustee for both--

ALL:
He'll hold 'em both!
He'll hold 'em both!
Sing Hearts, Clubs, Diamonds, Spades and all!

ALL (dancing):
By joint decree
As {our/your} trustee
This Notary {we/you} will now instal--
In custody let him keep {their/our} hearts,
Sing Hearts, Clubs, Diamonds, Spades and all